The Skinny Post

I can't stop watching Buddha do blow

2010-04-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

Life is just highness and suffering.
Huzzah, South Park. Huzzah.

Jason Campbell is slightly above average

2010-02-10T16:02:00.000-08:00

I've been snowed in since Friday afternoon, and on a long enough timeline it's inevitable that I'd make a list of my top 16 NFL quarterbacks. This was inspired by a discussion as to whether Jason Campbell was above average.

Peyton Manning
Tom Brady
Drew Brees
Aaron Rodgers
Philip Rivers
Brett Favre
Ben Roethlisberger
Tony Romo
Donovan McNabb
Eli Manning
Matt Schaub
Carson Palmer
Joe Flacco
Jay Cutler
Matt Ryan
Jason Campbell
David Garrard

Had Kurt Warner not retired he'd be #8.
So 32 teams, #16 and above constitutes above average. Everything I'm hearing is that Jason Campbell will be back, at least on a one year deal, so Washington could be doing a lot worse.

Airing of Sports Greivances

2010-01-06T15:38:00.000-08:00

WTF was with the Orange Bowl last night? That was a BCS Bowl? Boise State could have played either of those teams with 19 hours off and named their score. I felt the same sense of guilt watching that game as when I was a fat and ate like 15 cookies my dad made in 10 minutes. Like why can't I quit bowl season? It's insulting to fans and alumni at schools, like you better wait to book that New Years trip to Jacksonville until we know if we're 3rd or 4th in this crap conference. I like how Green Bay is doing it: they're invading Glendale right now like Americans at pretty much any foreign tourist destination to see their team for which it is actually impossible to get tickets, leaving Siberian like conditions for high 50s at night.

And how can Arenas possibly be this retarded? I mean I hope the release the hell out of him, Vick-ify him. Vin Baker is sitting on his couch - ok, at a bar - toasting what a dumbass he is. You're healthy for two weeks in four years so you turn locker room into the bar from Unforgiven? What happens when Saunders asks him to play defense (I know, ha ha!) and he pulls a nine? And what's with Arenas not paying gambling debts? Didn't he take Stevenson for six figures shooting one-handed threes with his foot clearly on the line? Arenas was just suspended, by the way. I wanted to go to a game with a sign that had the word "Bullets" somehow, now it won't be the same.

And regarding Shanahan, I don't love Elway, so I'll never say he only won because of Elway. I'll say he only won because his team violated salary cap rules and had to forfeit 2 third rounders and $2 million. Plus his last two years the Skins won two more games than the Broncos. On the plus side Shanahan's last draft was his best (Clady 1, Royal 2, Hillis 7) and the Broncos shat the bed with their picks last year. Plus the Texans had the #3 offense in 08, #4 last year, so I'm on born with Kyle as OC. Here's what I'd consider an ideal draft for Washington: Okung 1, Colt McCoy 2. McCoy is perfect for his offense, rolling pocket over half the time, tons of boots in the red zone.

And how about Campbell lowering the boom on Portis? He's now my freaking hero. It was like a freestyle rap battle where the one guy goes first and it's lame, and then the next guy goes and everyone screams "Oooohhhhh" after like every line. Maybe CP will come out and blame an alternate personality that kisses the bosses ass and takes shots at coworkers, like Brownnose Bennie. On a Redskins Insider poll 3% sided with Portis, I don't think I've ever seen a poll with three choices where something got less than 3%. I mean Cerrato's approval rating had to be greater than 3%, and he was truly hated. Cutting Portis only saves the vet minimum (blame Snyder for guaranteeing him $7 million this offseason) and it still seems like there's no chance he's coming back.

Rack me.

Mediocrity is mine!

2009-12-03T13:31:00.000-08:00

As if Bills fans haven't suffered enough, the Bills play a home game tonight in Toronto, a city far too clean to be American. Ralph Wilson has done some positive things to keep the team in upstate New York over the years, but playing footsie with Toronto sets him up to be the next Modell. Or Stewie, with whom the resemblance is unmistakable.

The NFL is on the air tonight. Oh lord.

2009-08-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

Now that the NFL preseason has begun and the regular season is just around the corner, I find myself able to think about little else. In fact, I've been replacing the lyrics to songs that I hear with lyrics that more accurately describe my excitement.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

When you told me they don't count, I got a season pass.
I know I've got laundry to do, but I just can't get off of my ass.
But I know the reason why - nothings on
Except for season three of Mad Men
I don't even mind Campbell, even though he's an asshole
When oh when is it on again?

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

Well I remember
I remember, Tom Brady
How I could ever forget?
it was the first time, the last time, his ligament snapped.
But I know the reason why you're staying up
past 2:00 to watch this crap
to see if he's healthy
to help you in fantasy
It's a good thing I took a nap.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

Something else to tide you over until the draft

2009-03-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

Friendly reminder to fill out your brackets

2009-03-19T08:09:00.001-07:00

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

An ARod Haiku

2009-03-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

I love you ARod
You are truly beautiful
Sincerely, ARod

Do not try to rape a bouncer's 68 year old mother

2009-03-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

If I was told by a 6'5", 299 lb bouncer that I was going to die tonight, I think I might just shit myself. OK I would shit myself. I mean, just reading the story made me pee a little bit.

Andre Smith paddles backward

2009-03-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Alabama's pro day was yesterday, and Andre Smith continues to not do himself any favors. Since December, he's been suspended for the Sugar Bowl, abruptly left the NFL Combine without telling anyone, and failed to put up any numbers at his pro day that would register close to the top 10 among offensive linemen at the combine. But on the bright side, as Smith is quick to point out, he does have a fabulous smile.

By the way, I am referring to to the similarity between Smith's man-boobs to paddles from a paddle boat by the title of this post, if it were a tad too subtle for you. (See more flopping than Vlade Divac and Jamaican short distance runners combined at 2:34.) Boom, roasted.

Ernie, start the reactor

2009-03-10T11:52:00.000-07:00

Wizards owner Abe Pollin has seen better days. But on the brighter side he does have his own organs, unlike his doppelganger from Total Recall.

Full scenes from Watchmen

2009-02-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

The hookers and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!" And I'll whisper "No."

I feel fear for the last time

And he is American.

I haven't had this much fun since Woodrow and Bernstein

Smartest man on the cinder

Tales of the Black Freighter trailer

Meep set me up!

2009-02-12T12:42:00.000-08:00

KSK had some hilarious shots of Beaker in D.C. last month, my favorite being of him smoking crack with Marion Barry. Beaker's become surprisingly relevant lately, with his turn as an opera star and his cruising Chocolate City.

Vinny Cerrato: Renaissance Man

2009-02-12T11:48:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, the Bog posted a video of Vinny Cerrato playing a hard boiled cop in a jean jacket.

Steinberg followed up with some screenshots and a link to the article that originally uncovered Cerrato's B-movie start, from the Washington City Paper. That writer uncovered the clip when looking into criticism from the Washington Post's ombudsman that Jason La Canfora's contest to come up with a nickname for the Washington Redskins that was "Cerrato-tinged." Apparently Cerrato and John Salamone of the National Italian American Foundation were outraged by some team names they perceived as offensive to Italians.

"Nickname suggestions such as Vinny the Chin, Vinny the Bull, Underboss, and others reinforce a negative and harmful stereotype of Italian Americans." Salamone said events kept him from writing promptly but he later sent his note to an e-mail list of foundation supporters.

Cerrato said, "I was disappointed. To me, anytime you're dealing with a person's name and nationality and heritage, it's not playful. To mock a nationality is uncalled for."

Does this guy realize he works for the Washington Redskins? The least politically correct team name this side of the movie BASEketball. For the most part I've been a Cerrato... maybe not a supporter but a defender, arguing George W. Bush: Dick Cheney:: Vincent Cerrato: Dan Snyder. But the unmitigated gall of these guys is ridiculous, and the media can't criticize them because if a news source loses access to the Redskins then it practically ceases to be a news source inside the beltway. And of course Snyder has a monopoly on sports talk radio in Washington.

The All Steroid Team

2009-02-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

Now that Miguel Tejada and Alex Rodriguez are admitted steroid users, my all steroid team is finally complete. The pitching staff was a little harder to put together than the everyday lineup, but I'd still take this squad over any team ever assembled. Mike Cameron received some consideration in center field, but Dykstra is a superior leadoff hitter. All of these players were either named in the Mitchell Report and/or have been suspended for using performance enhancing drugs, with the exception of ARod and Bret Boone, whose career stats (and physical appearance) certainly seem to indicate something unnatural in the 2000 offseason.

1. Lenny Dykstra CF
2. Rafael Palmeiro DH
3. Alex Rodriguez 3B
4. Barry Bonds LF
5. Mark McGwire 1B
6. Sammy Sosa RF
7. Miguel Tejada SS
8. Ivan Rodriguez C
9. Bret Boone 2B

Catcher:Ivan Rodriguez
First Baseman: Mark McGwire
Second Baseman: Bret Boone
Shortstop: Miguel Tejada
Third Baseman: Alex Rodriguez
Left Fielder: Barry Bonds
Center Fielder: Lenny Dykstra
Right Fielder: Sammy Sosa
Designated Hitter: Rafael Palmeiro
Utility Infielders: Jason Giambi, Ken Caminiti, Todd Hundley
Bench Outfielders: Jose Canseco, Juan Gonzalez

Right handed pitcher: Roger Clemens
Left handed pitcher: Andy Pettitte
Right handed pitcher: Kevin Brown
Right handed pitcher: Paul Byrd
Right handed pitcher: Denny Neagle
Long reliever: Ismael Valdez
Set up man: Kent Mercker
Set up man: Jason Grimsley
Set up man: Mike Stanton
Set up man: Guillermo Mota
Closer: Eric Gagne

Dreamcatchers work. If your dream is being gay.

2009-02-12T06:19:00.000-08:00

I watched Important Things with Demetri Martin last night and he might single handedly saving sketch comedy and the one liner. This commercial actually made me cry. I shit you not.

Important Things with Demetri MartinWed 10:30pm / 9:30c

De Veers Diamonds

Joke of the Day
Stand-Up Comedy

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Emmitt: His Rice of Passage

2009-01-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

I just found this on WalterFootball.com - a comprehensive collection of Emmitt Smith greatest nuggets of wisdom. Previously, the most recognized collection of Emmitt quotes was featured on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. I copied all the quotes from them, but put my own commentary.

The Greatest Hits

"Don't worry about the game you just won or the team that we just blew out... uhhh... blown... blown out... Let's think about what we need to do going forward, and they had... blown out." (The gold standard. PFT takes credit for this; he actually had it right with blew.)
"Defensively, they're solid. They have solid defenses." (This would make sense if he was planning an attack on the Death Star and not talking about a football team.)
"You hear Andy Reid going online and say, Donovan McNabb is my starting quarterback."
"Now the Colts are probably playing with more confidence than they ever have played since they been with the Indianapolis Colts."
"They need to right the score to get revenge." (You either right the ship or even the score.)
"This will get you completely blowed out." (This was came before the gold standard; criticism for use of a non-word made him hesitant.)
"They did a good job flying around the football field and carousing the football carrier." (Meant to say corralling.)
"Brady will put up monster numbers because he can throw."
"You cannot change the stripes of a leopard."
"The hill represent another rushing title this year for the season. For others watching this thing who've worked out on hills, this is a opportunity to build strength within." (I can picture an 87 year old grandmother saying this.)
"...Go to Arizona, sharp as a whistle, and do some finishing touches, so we can go down in the Super Bowl and play our best football of the whole entire season."
"The strength of the Patriots, their offense, got... DEBACLED."
"That can be a swing their way eventually. I just hate to be the team that they winned it against."

Grammatical Errors

"Wade [Phillips] inherit this success."
"My game-breaker go to Brett Favre."
"And when defense felt my will, it was a total different game then."
"The Packers don't has a running game."
"This team have not played confident football in three weeks."
"He gets the ball over to their third read than most quarterback can."
"Mike Martz have this offense rollin"
"The Pittsburgh Steelers are not as good as everyone think they are."
"He deserve to be coach of the year."
"He's gonna be the guy Tom Brady look for on third downs."
"It takes a coach who know how to communicate."
"He turn around and go deep on Dre' Bly"
"Brett Favre went into Dallas nine times and have a big goose egg."
"I love those style of play that the Tennessee Titans bring to the game."
"Let's see if he step up big today and play great for the Chargers."
"That offense does... do look good." (Thisclose to noun/verb agreement.)
"He just need a runnin game to help him."
"Giants has too many guys in the secondary banged up."
"All those things messes with the mentality of your ball club."
"I'm concerned about a guy who fall down before get hits."

Factual Errors

"Wes Worker is a possession receiver that make things happen." (He's the leading receiver in the NFL. How can you take about football for a living and not know his name?)
"Norv Turner have a lot of experience in the playoff." (Beside mixing verb tense and leaving the s off of playoffs, Turner was 1-1 in the playoffs with one playoff berth in 10 seasons when this was said.)
"I like the Eagles based on what I saw on Monday night." (Said in reference to a Sunday Night game.)
"Tom Brady is buyin' time for his lineman." (This would be funny if he was talking about Brady buying his O line Rolexes but of course it's just Emmitt confusing the noun and subject again.)
"Let's not judge the Giants until we're in the bottom half of the season... The bottom half of the schedule get much tougher."
"Reggie Bush is definitely effective. Just not tonight." (Said after a game in which Reggie Bush didn't play.)
"The NFC West is probably one of the weakest... CONFERENCES... in the whole NFC. These guys over here, you have the Cardinals, you have the 49ers, you have the Seahawks, and you also have the Rams..."
"Alex has a lot of growing up to do, and it's hard to grow up when you are learning three different offenses every year." (This sentence is grammtically correct and only an exaggeration, but the 49ers offensive coordinators year by year since the drafted Alex Smith: Mike McCarthy, Norv Turner, Jim Hostler, and Mike Martz. Martz is the only one who dramatically chaged the offense.)
(On the Super Bowl) "The loss tonight... And the loss today is gonna hurt for a long time."
(Attempting to quote Jimmy V "Don't give up. Don't ever give up.") "Don't quit. Don't ever quit."
"He was coming through line to make a move and got blind sided by Al Wi... Al Wi... Al Jackson." (Al Wilson has been out of the league since 2006, and there is no Al Jackson in the league. This was referring to a Broncos linebacker, D.J. Williams if I remember correctly.)

Pouporri

"T.O. just do not draw the double team." (I thought he do - oh no it's happening to me!)
"The leadership definitely have to come from the leaders." (Besides the obvious, does this guy ever get do/does right?)
"You have new offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator."
"If it slip in Week 1, it slip in Week 8."
"The percentages for teams that go into score before the first half is pretty high that they wins the game." (Sounds a little like Gollum here.)
"The one thing that derail a team is a thing called the injury bugs."
"They're gearing up to stop the run. They put eight men in the box. Eight men... sometimes nine." (Here he sounds like a six year old.)
"You have to have the personality to match up with the Patriots." (He probably meant personnel, or was trying to channel Jules Winnfield.)
"A reason they don't want to repeat what they did last year, they don't want to look really bad down the stretch."
"And then he come back and throw another pass and he drop it." (In this sentence he was unable to correctly use three consecutive words.)
"I'm going with the Pats ... they are an all-around good ball club." (In this game the Patriots were favored by 22, one of the largest point spreads ever.)
"Not only does he have the NFC East record for touchdowns, but also the team record."
"Last year there was a lot of things the Colts had to address. They couldn't stop the run... and all those... that was one of the biggest things they had to address."
"The Giants secondary really have to be physical with this guy."
"They started 6-2. Now, they're 6-3." (This makes me want to hear Emmitt do play by play.)
"He has a chance to correct those things once he come back outside." (He was talking about Mike Vick.)
"As my offense get better, my defense is goin be that much more better."

Gibberish

"Wade Phillips have not had time to insert this." (That's what she said.)
"The Jets can only be disrespected by every team in the league."
"What else can you say about a defense that get together?"
"The way you perform make them feel about you different."
"This team need to get in their mind."
"They can ride Adrian Peterson into the doggone playoff." (This is actually close to a line from Friday Night Lights, but obviously not uttered by a character who is supposed to be smart.)
"That would definitely be a slowed down."
"Eli Manning has been given the rice of passage."
"He's giving them all the confidences they need... he giving them the confidence that he need."
"Detroit Lions had our numbers." (Those numbers are 0 and 16.)
"He's goin change how the front office even think."
"When you are the single or the lone ranger, so to speak." (Putting so to speak on the end of this makes it much funnier.)
"When he get over the Texas line, something crazy happens in his head."
"I think it's his self-confidence in himself that make him so confident when it get down into the crunch time." (He also said my hair makes me hairy.)
"They both can return kicks and punt return guys."
"Why doesn't... don't the defensive players put their hands on Randy Moss? Don't back back." (It's like he's allergic to getting do/does correct.)

And he laterals the shoe to Rolle!

2009-01-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

Ed Reed is literally catching everything right now. You've probably seen the stats: 10 interceptions, 2 fumble recoveries, 335 return yards, and 3 touchdowns in his last 7 games (including his first playoff win). That's an average of about 2 turnovers a game each of which he returns 28 yards. If you're responsible for two turnovers that you return 28 yards a piece, 95% of the time you've made the two biggest plays of the game. And this was on a playoff run for a team that had zero wiggle room.

Riker to Ray Lewis's Picard, Reed faced a career threatening nerve injury in the offseason due to a crushing hit from Hines Ward. "Hopefully, I can get back, but health is more important right now," Reed said at the time to the Baltimore Sun. "It's a long season, and I feel like the team is going to need me more down the line than earlier and having to get hurt and can't play again." So Reed picked his spots to start the year, with only one pick in the first 10 games. Now he's clinched a spot in the Hall of Fame after only seven seasons, an amazing accomplishment for a defensive player. He's being mentioned in the same breath as Ronnie Lott among the all time greats at safety, although with the caveat that he needs a Super Bowl ring. Three more wins to go.

The frozen tundra of Wrigley Field

2009-01-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

Here's a cool time lapse video of Wrigley Field personnel preparing it for the Winter Classic.

Happiness is...

2008-12-30T12:58:00.000-08:00

On the Dan Le Batard show I heard about this video being guaranteed to put you in a better mood, and I have to admit - it's pretty strong.

Teen Wolf in the news

2008-12-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

In a move that sounds remarkably like an episode of Family Guy, Tampa DE Greg White has changed his names to Stylez G. White, a moniker in honor of the best friend (outside of his platonic friend Boof) of Michael J. Fox's character from the ridiculous 80s movie Teen Wolf. Which leads to an obvious question - is it more cool or less cool that he acknowledges that it's in honor of Teen Wolf. Had he not mentioned it, I would have assumed it was in honor of Furious Styles from Boyz n the Hood. Hmmm. I'm going to have to say it makes him less cool.

Will Barry Sanders, Jr. be the most hyped athlete of all time?

2008-12-15T11:52:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I get into a conversation about going to a football game when it's cold outside. It can be a badge of honor for some people to flirt with hypothermia, and for others it's idiotic to stay outside when the temperature is in the teens. For me, it depends on the importance of the game. And the biggest notch on my belt is December 27, 1998, at what was then PSInet Stadium. It was in the low teens - absolutely brutal. But nothing was keeping me from the meaningless battle of 5-10 teams. The reason: it was the only chance I ever had to see Barry Sanders live. Barry Sanders would retire in July at the age of 30, still in his prime and within a typical Barry Sanders season of the all time rushing mark.

As we get further away from that day more harmful to the Detroit Lions franchise than any Matt Millen personnel decision, the memories of Sanders highlights become less salient, and the players of that era who now work in the media like Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin, Troy Aikman, and Deion Sanders somehow seem more memorable. But for any football fan in their thirties, Barry Sanders is the most exciting man in sports entertainment.

I say this in order to provide some context for what is sure to occur over the next six or seven years: Barry Sanders, Jr. will surely become the most hyped high school football player of all time. This past weekend he scored three TDs for Heritage Hall in the Oklahoma Class 2A State Championship Game.

That's a 14 year old freshman, who averaged 8.4 yards per carry on the season, stepping his game up and being the best player on the field in the championship game. By the time he can see an R rated movie, he might be a household name, at least to the same degree Lebron James was. He's already a Youtube sensation.

Another freaking list

2008-12-03T13:01:00.000-08:00

Empire Magazine has released their list of the 100 greatest movie characters of all time, and it's not a bad list. My grievances are the omissions of Colonel Nicholson as portrayed by Alec Guinness in The Bridge on the River Kwai, and Terry Malloy as portrayed by Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront. Characters I'm not a huge fan of that are on the list are Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell in the Escape... movies), White Goodman (Ben Stiller in Dodgeball), and Donnie Darko.

100. Martin Riggs - Lethal Weapon 1-4

99. Hal-9000 - 2001: A Space Odyssey

98. Charles Foster Kane - Citizen Kane

97. Clarice Starling - The Silence Of The Lambs

96. Ethan Edwards - The Searchers

95. Freddy Krueger - A Nightmare On Elm Street 1-6, Wes Craven's New Nightmare

94. Buzz Lightyear - Toy Story 1 & 2

93. Martin Q. Blank - Grosse Pointe Blank

92. Randal Graves - Clerks

91. Scarlett O'Hara - Gone With The Wind

90. The Wicked Witch Of The West - The Wizard Of Oz

89. Princess Leia Organa - Star Wars Episode IV-VI

88. Jessica Rabbit - Who Framed Roger Rabbit

87. Dracula - Dracula

86. Roy Batty - Blade Runner

85. Vincenzo Coccotti - True Romance

84. Agent Smith - The Matrix, The Matrix Reloaded, The Matrix Revolutions

83. Mr. Blonde - Reservoir Dogs

82. Marv - Sin City

81. Wolverine - X-Men, X-Men 2, X-Men: The Last Stand

80. Norman Bates - Psycho

79. Boba Fett - The Empire Strikes Back, Return Of The Jedi

78. Axel Foley - Beverly Hills Cop

77. Ed - Shaun Of The Dead

76. Dr. Emmett Brown - Back To The Future 1-3

75. Marge Gunderson - Fargo

74. E.T. - The Extra-Terrestrial

73. Jack Torrance - The Shining

72. V - V for Vendetta

71. Snake Plissken - Escape From New York, Escape From L.A.

70. Atticus Finch - To Kill A Mockingbird

69. Keyser Soze - The Usual Suspects

68. Napolean Dynamite - Napolean Dynamite

67. Frank Booth - Blue Velvet

66. The Bride - Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

65. White Goodman - Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

64. Withnail - Withnail & I

63. Wall-E - Wall-E

62. Mathilda - Leon

61. R.P. McMurphy - One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

60. Ace Ventura - Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

59. Tommy Devito - Goodfellas

58. Rick Blaine - Casablanca

57. Brick Tamland - Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy

56. Juno MacGuff - Juno

55. Lt. Frank Drebin - The Naked Gun

54. Luke Skywalker - Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return Of The Jedi

53. Luke - Cool Hand Luke

52. George Bailey - It's A Wonderful Life

51. Mal Reynolds - Serenity

50. Quint - Jaws

49. Walter Sobchak - The Big Lebowski

48. Tony Stark - Iron Man

47. Blade - Blade, Blade II, Blade: Trinity

46. Anton Chigurh - No Country For Old Men

45. Amelie Poulain - Amelie

44. Peter Venkman - Ghostbusters

43. The Man With No Name - The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

42. Alex DeLarge - A Clockwork Orange

41. Mary Poppins - Mary Poppins

40. Patrick Bateman - American Psycho

39. Marty McFly - Back to The Future 1-3

38. Donnie Darko - Donnie Darko

37. Edward Scissorhands - Edward Scissorhands

36. Harry Potter - Harry Potter 1-6

35. Maximus Decimus Meridius - Gladiator

34. Rocky Balboa - Rocky 1-6

33. Tequila - Hard Boiled

32. Jason Bourne - The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum

31. Aragorn - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

30. Jigsaw - Saw 1-5

29. Daniel Plainview - There Will Be Blood

28. Gandalf - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

27. Tony Montana - Scarface

26. Ron Burgundy - Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy

25. Yoda - The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi

24. Ash - Evil Dead I, II & Army of Darkness

23. Harry Callahan - Dirty Harry

22. Ellis 'Red' Redding - The Shawshank Redemption

21. Michael Corleone - The Godfather Parts I-III

20. Forrest Gump - Forrest Gump

19. Jules Winnfield - Pulp Fiction

18. Travis Bickle - Taxi Driver

17. Hans Gruber - Die Hard

16. Neo - The Matrix, The Matrix Reloaded, The Matrix Revolutions

15. Ferris Bueller - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

14. The Terminator - The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

13. Gollum - The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Return of the King

12. John McClane - Die Hard 1-4

11. James Bond - Goldfinger

10. Vito Corleone - The Godfather

9. Ellen Ripley - Alien 1-4

8. Captain Jack Sparrow - Pirates Of The Caribbean 1-3

7. The Dude - The Big Lebowski

6. Indiana Jones - Indiana Jones 1-4

5. Dr. Hannibal Lecter - The Silence Of The Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon

4. Han Solo - Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return Of The Jedi

3. The Joker - The Dark Knight

2. Darth Vader - Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jed, Revenge of the Sith

1. Tyler Durden - Fight Club

The other, other white meat

2008-12-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

I saw this today on Deadspin (in their competition for Sports Human of the Year) and thought it was absolutely the greatest baby picture in the history of the world. It would make Cosmo Kramer shit his pants. Ladies and gentlemen, I present - Baby Mangino!

No amount of Old Spice swagger will make up for this

2008-11-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

In what has vaulted past Tatum Bell stealing Rudi Johnson's bags and Brett Favre breaking down Packers' tendencies with the Lions as the NFL story of the year, Brian Urlacher's baby momma has accused him and his current girlfriend of painting his three year old son's toenails are putting him in pink Cinderella diapers.

Yeah. And you thought Michael Strahan's ex wife was a bitch. Well, maybe that's just how the most overrated linebacker in the NFL (yet only the second most overrated linebacker taken in the 2000 draft) was raised.

Kornheiser: "[noun] [verb] Brett Favre!"

2008-11-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

I've been a fan of Tony Kornheiser's work ever since the nascent days of the Bandwagon in 1991. And I firmly believe that PTI is the best sports discussion show on television. But I can't take anymore of Kornheiser's insertion of Brett Favre or Tom Brady into every Monday Night Football broadcast, often times every drive. Last night Kornheiser mentioned Favre more than Aaron Rodgers and twice as much as Drew Brees in a game in which he wasn't playing. Keep in mind it was an NFC matchup, so Favre and the Jets were in no way pertinent to the teams actually playing.

I do give credit, however, to Kornheiser's ousting of Joe Theismann from the booth. Ron Jaworski is one of the best in the world at breaking down quarterback play on tape, and it's a joke that it's taken this long for him to get a spot in the booth. And Jaws has no trouble standing up to his benefactor: he finally got Kornheiser to stop the Favre references for a few minutes last night.

Kornheiser: Aaron Rodgers, every time he goes out, he competes against the other quarterback and he competes against Brett Favre. There is not only Drew Brees to worry about, there's Favre, too.

Jaworski: I think that is ridiculous. I think it is an absolutely ridiculous statement. When you are a quarterback, your focus is on your opponent.

Kornheiser: I don't mean consciously, I mean subconsciously.

Jaworski: I don't think so. You have to focus on what you have to do. He doesn't care what Drew Brees is doing, or Brett Favre. He's worried about his job.

Kornheiser: Well, thanks for ruining my... whole metaphor.

The greatest commercial ever

2008-11-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

Brightening the affront to taste that was last night's MNF snoozer was the most spectacular commercial I've ever seen, a spectacular display of product placement that made me reconsider my decision to bypass Guitar Hero World Tour.

Seriously?

2008-11-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

Philip Lutzenkirchen of the Lassiter Trojans makes the most creative football play I've seen in years.

So when is Mike Leach going to send Michael Crabtree flying out of the back of the end zone to tip it to a teammate? It's great to know we haven't reached the final frontier.

Oh those wacky Philly fans

2008-10-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's a good thing Philadelphia has a 25 year championship drought (and Cleveland a 44 year drought). These idiots would burn their city to the ground if they had a dynasty. And some idiot would record it on a camera phone.

Kobe's best commercial

2008-10-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

New Watchmen trailer

2008-10-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

Triumph at the debates

2008-10-22T08:37:00.001-07:00

The showdown

2008-10-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

Roy Williams (the one that wasn't on the Cowboys) has been traded to the Cowboys. Ed Werder is reporting

The trade would involve multiple draft picks but would not involve the Cowboys' first-round pick.

Adam Schefter, on the other hand, is reporting

The Lions have traded WR Roy Williams to the Cowboys for at least one first round pick.

So who is right (probably Schefter) and who is wrong (probably Werder)? I confirmed that Dallas only had one first round pick for next year. I think Williams is a fantastic player, but a first rounder for a guy you only have for 10 games and have to integrate in the passing game is a steep price.

Other veep jokes Palin comparison

2008-10-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

Props to Desultor.

In the interest of being fair and balanced, here's a trailer for Disney's new Palin movie.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Otis! My man!

2008-10-14T10:57:00.001-07:00

Outside the Verizon Center last night after the Capitals beat down the Canucks 5-1.

Dumbledore Calrissian

2008-10-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

Looks like Arenas beat Obama to the punch

2008-10-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

As seen on Jeopardy yesterday.

Oakland puts the fun is dysfunctional

2008-09-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

The Raiders are truly the laughingstock of professional sports. If there was any doubt a week ago, this latest episode removes all doubt. During Lane Kiffin's postgame press conference, Tim Kawakami referred to an incident where Al Davis's crony John Herrera reportedly distributed an ESPN article critical of Kiffin. Out of the back of the room Herrera yelled out "That's not true!" and Kiffin starts smiling ear to ear like he just cracked a case. It's only a matter of time until he drives around the parking lot dragging the team's three Super Bowl trophiesbehind his car, because he just can't get fired. After the press conference Herrera got all up in Kawakami's business accusing him of false reporting and smoking pot. Here's Kawakami's account, along with Lowell Cohn's. This could be the most unintentionally funny video since last year's Kevin Everett video.

This just showed up in my email

2008-09-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

From: EDWARD HOCHULI
To: me
Sent: Frisday, September 19, 2008 9:46 AM
Subject: RE: keep your chin up

Thanks so much for your email. I will learn from this mistake and move on, but this one will live with me for a long, long time.

Ed Hochuli

From: me
Sent: Wednesday, September 17, 2008 1:02 PM
To: EDWARD HOCHULI
Subject: keep your chin up

Feel better big guy.

Oh. Snap.

2008-09-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

I was checking out the reviews for Righteous Kill last night, and one line gave me a pretty big chuckle.

As people have been saying lately, you can't put lipstick on a pig. This movie shouldn't star DeNiro and Pacino. It should star Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

I'm convinced Vince Young is gay

2008-09-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

With the Vince Young shenanigans of this week as context, I'm convinced Vince Young is gay. Contributing to my opinion is the fact that he seems to enjoy slamming shots with topless men is some type of disco.

I mean what is wrong with this picture (made public this past offseason)? I know: no women present. Now there's not anything wrong with being gay, or being a gay quarterback, but I have to imagine the pressure on you would border on the ridiculous.

THIS is why you suck

2008-09-11T07:31:00.000-07:00

About six months ago, the Duke football team backed out of a four game series with Louisville. There was a clause in the contract where if a team backed out there was a $150,000 buyout if a "team of similar stature" could not be found. Duke's attorney argued that this clause was unenforceable, because no team was of similar stature to Duke. The judge agreed:

At oral argument, Duke (with a candor perhaps more attributable to good legal strategy than to institutional modesty) persuasively asserted that this is a threshold that could not be any lower. Duke's argument on this point cannot be reasonably disputed by Louisville.

Now Fanhouse has the video and it does not disappoint.

They can call it The Motherlands

2008-09-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

The frontrunner for naming rights for the Giants and Jets new stadium is Munich based insurance company Allianz. Although ending it's name with a Z may be very 21st century, the company has been around since 1890 and provided insurance to Auschwitz under Hitler. It's CEO at the time was in Hitler's cabinet. If they're considering Allianz, I'd hate to see the companies they rejected.

Moses comes down off the mountain

2008-09-10T20:24:00.000-07:00

Commissioner and sexy beast Roger Goodell is conducting a web chat tomorrow on NFL.com, so I put some thought into it and came up with this whopper of a question.

One of the hot button issues this past offseason is the length of the preseason and the fact that preseason tickets cost as much as regular season tickets. What I don't understand is why teams don't just raise the price of regular season tickets and make preseason tickets cheaper. The practical advantage is that season ticket holders would have an easier time recouping their costs without selling regular season tickets at a premium. Could this upset the relationship between broker sites such as Razor Gator and Stub Hub and the teams with which they are partnered?

Yoko Romo

2008-09-10T06:32:00.001-07:00

Props to Profootballtalk on this one.

Six pack of questions - week 1

2008-09-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going to experiment with different wrap ups this year, because my MMFMQB format of last year was so difficult to maintain. I'm going with the ESPN six pack format this year until I don't, hopefully I'll nab a sponsorship from any beer company, alcoholic, non-alcoholic, or root.

1) The Steelers are the favorite to win the Super Bowl. True
The Chargers, Jaguars, and Colts all lost, while the Steelers dominated a healthy Texans team. Of all my predictions, I'd like to take back the Texans going 11-5, (I still think they're winning 9 or 10 games) but that's a quality team the Steelers rolled, and LaMarr Woodley looks like the latest stud elephant developed by the Steelers machine.

2) The Patriots are done. False
In 2001, the Patriots were coming off a 5-11 season when they lost their leading passer (Drew Bledsoe) and one of their leading tacklers (Ted Johnson) to injuries, and suspended their leading receiver (Terry Glenn). How soon everyone forgets. Coming off a 16-0 season and playing one of the weakest schedules in the NFL, it's not hard to see them making the playoffs. Take a look at their schedule and pick out six losses. At San Diego, at Indy, Pittsburgh, maybe a split with the Jets, and then? Denver? At Seattle? A split with Buffalo? And can you assume a loss at Indy or San Diego? They still look like a 10-6 team to me, at worse.

3) The Detroit Lions are the worst team in the NFL. True
The 2008 Detroit Lions look like Matt Millen's masterpiece. They've got two stud receivers and not another player who could start for more than 10 teams. The Falcons rushed for 318 yards yesterday after rushing for 1520 yards all of last season. Here's a stat for you: Matt Ryan hadn't had a game without an interception since 10/6/07 against Bowling Green! He threw a pick against Notre Dame last year! Two against Maryland! If you've got guys going against the Lions this year in fantasy, start them. Aaron Rodgers vs. Detroit or Peyton Manning vs. Jacksonville? Start Rodgers.

4) The Eagles are going back to the NFC Championship Game. False
The Eagles absolutely dismantled the Rams, and I am clearly a believer that they'll go to the playoffs, maybe even win a game. But there is just too much depth in the NFC this year. Carolina looks like they'll be in it all year, Dallas is still the favorite, and we still haven't had a look at Minnesota and Green Bay. Finally, I may have been very wrong about Chicago.

5) The Tennessee Titans are better off with Kerry Collins at QB. True
Vince Young reportedly tried to take himself out of the game yesterday, and "Fisher seemed to all but throw Young back onto the field." Young averaged 5 yards an attempt yesterday, Collins 32.5. The two starting quarterbacks in maybe the greatest bowl game of all time both look like busts entering their third season.

6) Matt Ryan will win Offensive Rookie of the Year. False
Matty Ice looked great against the ole defense employed by the Lions, but tougher days are ahead and quarterbacks rarely win the award - twice since 1971, although both times in the last four years. Matt Forte and Desean Jackson firmly established themselves as contenders, McFadden starts his career tonight, and Jonathan Stewart averaged over five yards a carry. I still feel OK about picking Stewart, but Matt Forte must look like this when he thinks about taking on the Lions defense twice this season.

How excited am I about the NFL season?

2008-09-08T06:07:00.001-07:00

As excited as this guy.

Your 2008 NFL season predictions

2008-09-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

You hear ESPN and NFL Network talking heads predicting no worse than a six-win season for any team, but of course it can't work out that way. Which is why I've predicted every NFL game this season to make sure these are plausible predictions. If you think any record seems unseemly, please check the schedules and tell me where the wins or losses are going to come from.

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 13-3
Philadelphia Eagles 12-4
Washington Redskins 8-8
New York Giants 6-10

NFC North
Minnesota Vikings 13-3
Green Bay Packers 12-4
Detroit Lions 5-11
Chicago Bears 2-14

NFC South
Carolina Panthers 10-6
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7
New Orleans Saints 6-10
Atlanta Falcons 2-14

NFC West
Seattle Seahawks 11-5
San Francisco 49ers 8-8
Arizona Cardinals 5-11
St. Louis Rams 3-13

AFC East
New England Patriots 14-2
New York Jets 8-8
Buffalo Bills 6-10
Miami Dolphins 5-11

AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7
Baltimore Ravens 6-10
Cleveland Browns 5-11
Cincinnati Bengals 2-14

AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars 13-3
Indianapolis Colts 12-4
Houston Texans 11-5
Tennessee Titans 11-5

AFC South
San Diego Chargers 12-4
Denver Broncos 9-7
Kansas City Chiefs 5-11
Oakland Raiders 3-13

NFC Playoff seeds
Minnesota Vikings 13-3 (12-0 in conference)
Dallas Cowboys 13-3 (9-3 in conference)
Seattle Seahawks 11-5
Carolina Panthers 10-6
Green Bay Packers 12-4 (9-3 in conference)
Philadelphia Eagles 12-4 (8-4 in conference)

AFC Playoff seeds
New England Patriots 14-2
Jacksonville Jaguars 13-3
San Diego Chargers 12-4
Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7
Indianapolis Colts 12-4
Houston Texans 11-5 (2-0 against the Titans)

Take a look a the gnarly AFC South. It was a fantastic division last year, and this year, as long as Manning is healthy, I can't see any of the teams taking much of a step back. The AFC North looks mediocre by their records, but their schedules are so absurdly hard. I don't know if any team could win more than 10 games playing the AFC South and the NFC North. Their might be some objections to the Giants going 6-10, but they've lost their two best players in Strahan and Umenyiora. The Jets take a step forward with the acquisition of Favre, but there's just too much depth in the AFC South.

Wild Card Weekend
Eagles over Seahawks, Packers over Panthers
Chargers over Texans, Colts over Steelers

Second round
Vikings over Eagles, Cowboys over Packers
Patriots over Colts, Jaguars over Chargers

Championship Games
Patriots over Jaguars, Cowboys over Vikings

Super Bowl
Patriots over Cowboys

Major Awards
Super Bowl MVP: Tom Brady
NFL MVP: Tom Brady
Defensive MVP: Jared Allen
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Jonathan Stewart
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Leodis McKelvin
Coach of the Year: Gary Kubiak

I picked the games week by week instead of going by each teams schedule so it was easier not to have different teams win the same game. Here's my picks for the entire season. A "1" denotes a win, and I used the Excel summation function for the tallies.

Arizona Cardinals					1				1	1		1		1				5	11
Atlanta Falcons										1							1	2	14
Baltimore Ravens			1				1	1			1		1	1				6	10
Buffalo Bills			1	1					1		1			1	1			6	10
Carolina Panthers		1		1	1	1	1	1			1	1		1	1			10	6
Chicago Bears						1			1									2	14
Cincinnati Bengals	1																1	2	14
Cleveland Browns				1		1			1	1						1		5	11
Dallas Cowboys	1	1	1	1	1	1	1	1				1	1	1	1	1		13	3
Denver Broncos	1	1	1	1					1		1	1		1		1		9	7
Detroit Lions	1				1			1				1				1		5	11
Green Bay Packers		1		1	1	1	1		1		1	1	1	1		1	1	12	4
Houston Texans		1	1			1	1			1	1	1	1		1	1	1	11	5
Indianapolis Colts	1	1			1	1		1	1	1		1	1	1	1	1		12	4
Jacksonville Jaguars	1	1	1	1	1	1		1	1	1		1		1	1		1	13	3
Kansas City Chiefs		1	1								1	1				1		5	11
Miami Dolphins		1						1			1				1		1	5	11
Minnesota Vikings	1		1		1	1	1		1	1	1		1	1	1	1	1	13	3
New England Patriots	1	1	1		1		1	1		1	1	1	1	1	1	1	1	14	2
New Orleans Saints		1		1		1								1	1		1	6	10
New York Giants	1		1				1		1					1		1		6	10
New York Jets	1		1	1		1	1	1		1			1					8	8
Oakland Raiders									1	1			1					3	13
Philadelphia Eagles	1		1	1	1	1		1		1	1	1	1		1		1	12	4
Pittsburgh Steelers	1	1		1			1	1			1	1			1		1	9	7
St. Louis Rams		1										1	1					3	13
San Diego Chargers	1			1	1	1	1	1		1			1	1	1	1	1	12	4
San Francisco 49ers	1		1					1			1		1	1		1	1	8	8
Seattle Seahawks	1	1	1		1				1	1	1	1			1	1	1	11	5
Tampa Bay Buccaneers	1	1	1		1		1		1				1		1		1	9	7
Tennessee Titans		1		1	1		1			1	1	1	1	1		1	1	11	5
Washington Redskins			1			1	1		1		1		1		1	1		8	8

The grossest video you've seen today

2008-08-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

NBC has taken this video down of Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai pulling a Theisman on his right arm, but it's still up at Withleather. The first thing any red blooded American should think of is the classic SNL skit of the All Drug Olympics.

I ain't sayin she's a gold digger

2008-08-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

I don't know if my favorite part is the midget or the giant pig.

Hitler hates Favre, loves Girls Next Door

2008-08-04T13:13:00.001-07:00

Osaka vs Canton

2008-08-04T06:48:00.000-07:00

Six years ago to the day that Steve Spurrier made his preseason NFL coaching debut in a 38-7 trouncing of the 49ers, the Redskins unveiled Jim Zorn's offense last night in the Hall of Fame game. No quarterback threw more than one incompletion in the 30-16 win, but the Colts outgained Washington by 55 yards. But this blog entry is about comparing the quarterbacks' performances.

Sage Rosenfels: 10/20, 172 yards, 2 TDs, 1 Int
Danny Wuerffel: 16/25, 269 yards, 3 TDs
Spurrier's QBs: 26/45, 441 yards, 5 TDs, 1 Int, 129.4 passer rating

Jason Campbell: 5/5, 61 yards, 1 TD
Todd Collins: 5/6, 32 yards
Colt Brennan: 9/10. 123 yards, 2 TDs
Derek Devine: 0/1
Zorn's QBs: 19/22, 216 yards, 3 TDs, 147.2 passer rating

A job about nothing

2008-08-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

Imagine if an executive at a Fortune 500 company, the most a guy who brought that company back to preeminence after being irrelevant for 25 years, waffled between retirement and staying on. Under what circumstances would the company offer him $20 million to retire, except for an occasional function where he has to gladhand a few stockholders? That's almost exactly what's going on in Green Bay. Now the Packers aren't quite in the Fortune 500, but they really aren't that far off, and most importantly they are a public owned company, the only such team in American sports. I can't imagine that the stockholders want to sink $20 million into keeping Favre off the Vikings when they offered Ryan Grant a $1.75 million signing bonus on a six year deal.

It sounds like this is how Brett Favre's career is going to end: publicly bank rolled by a team with one of the lowest payrolls in the league to remain active in the Green Bay community? So is this a case of sports becoming more or less like a business? The argument for it becoming less like a business is based around how personal this dispute has become. The argument for sports becoming more like a business is how eerily similar this sounds to Dick Cheney's retirement from Halliburton, for which he received a $20 million severance package.

Pacman gets gobbled

2008-07-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

I've heard some talking heads say that Pacman Jones is the Cowboys biggest offseason acquisition. Maybe he is, but he gets pwned by T.O. right here.

The Nuge, just because

2008-07-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

I heard this song on XM 90's last week, and it made me think of the outstanding video where Ted Nugent kicks out the door of some shack and does a guitar solo that deflects bullets. The Nuge busts out his superpower 3:14 in.

Beware of falling Persian emissaries

2008-07-23T13:27:00.001-07:00

Going Greek

2008-07-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

Mediocre Atlanta Hawks swingman Josh Childress is leaving the NBA to play in Greece with a team called Olympiakos for a reported $20 million over three years, after taxes. Childress is the fifth player to leave the NBA for Europe this offseason joining Primoz Brezec, Bostjan Nachbar, Juan Carlos Navarro, and Carlos Delfino. Brezec averaged 2.2 points per game last season, the other four averaged between nine and twelve. Childress is the high man at 11.8. This doesn't include Brandon Jennings, a high school student who signed with Virtus Roma instead of going to college.

I have no issues with Jennings headed overseas and legally drawing a salary instead of being paid under the table while the NCAA and whichever college pays off his AAU coach gets rich off of unpaid labor. But for someone to jump the NBA for a foreign country when a reasonable offer was on the table (Atlanta reportedly offered five years, $33-36 million) is both a testament to Childress's motivation being money and the fact that Atlanta has cemented it's spot as the worst sports town in America.

The Atlanta Braves are on their way to missing the playoffs for the third straight year after making it 14 years in a row. The Atlanta Falcons joined the NFL in 1966 and have never had consecutive winning seasons. The Atlanta Thrashers have one playoff appearance in five seasons (half the teams in the NHL make the playoffs) and could easily be perennial cellar dwellers for the next decade after they inevitably lose Ilya Kovalchuk in two years. Which brings us to the Hawks.

The Hawks made the playoffs last year despite being eight games under .500 for the first time since the strike shortened 1998-99 season, giving the Celtics a tougher series than the Lakers. Since 1999 they have won 255 games over nine seasons, or 34.6% of their games. They trade for Mike Bibby, make the playoffs, finally have some buzz surrounding the team, and their sixth man bolts for Greece. Sucks for them.

The funniest song ever?

2008-07-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

I've been watching Flight of the Conchords and, although it may not be for everyone, it may be the funniest show on television. I saw this bit last night and just about pooped myself.

Bowie's in space
Bowie's in space
What you doing out there, man?
That's pretty freaky, Bowie
Isn't it cold out in space, Bowie?
Do you want to borrow my jumper, Bowie?
Does the space cold make your nipples go pointy, Bowie?
Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to Earth?
Bet you do, you freaky old bastard you
Hey Bowie, do you have one really funky sequined space suit?
Or do you have several ch-changes?
Do you smoke grass out in space, Bowie?
Or do they smoke Astroturf?
Ooh!
Receiving transmission from David Bowie's nipple antennae
Do you read me, Lieutenant Bowie?
This is Bowie to Bowie
Do you hear me out there, man?
This is Bowie back to Bowie
I read you loud and clear, man
Ooh yeah, man!
Your signal's weak on my radar screen
How far out are you, man?
I'm pretty far out
That's pretty far out, man
Ooh- ah- ooh!
I'm orbiting Pluto
Ooh- ah- ooh!
Drawn in by its groovitational (groovitational) pull
I'm jamming out with the Mick Jagger-nauts
Ooh, and they think it's pretty cool
Are you okay, Bowie?
What was that sound?
I don't know, man
I have to turn my ship around
Ooh, it's the craziest scene
Yeah, I'm picking it up on my LSD screen
Can you see the stratosphere ringing?
To the choir of Afronauts singing
Bowie's in space

You just got knocked the f out

2008-07-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

UFC had a televised event on Saturday, headlined by Anderson Silva versus James Irvin. Fortunately, I kept watching after that, because this was the coolest thing I saw all weekend. The magic happens 0:24 in.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

2008-07-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

When does an NFL season begin? According to the NFL the first day of the league year is March 1. The preseason this year begins with the Hall of Fame game, three weeks from yesterday, featuring the Colts and Redskins. The regular season now opens on a Thursday (September 4, Redskins at Giants, coincidentally), but most teams open on that Sunday. But if you define the season starting when teams are allowed to start practicing in pads, the the 2008 NFL season began yesterday with the Washington Redskins first practice. It didn't go well.

The Redskins lost starting end Philip Daniels for the year an hour in. They also lost end Alex Busbee for the year and Fred Smoot for the day. By dinner they traded a 2009 2nd rounder and a 2010 6th rounder for 2006 Defensive Player of the Year and 2008 Dancing with the Stars runner up Jason Taylor. What I had heard during the draft was that the high bid for Jason Taylor was a 3rd round pick, which is a steal for a guy you can be reasonably certain will get you 10 sacks. It's generally accepted that a draft pick from the following year is worth a round less, so next year's 2nd is worth this year's 3rd, and a 2010 6th is worth less than a 7th this year. In other words, the Redskins package is the equivalent of what Miami turned down during the draft.

The most obvious result of the deal is that the Redskins now have arguably the best set of defensive ends in the NFL, with Taylor and Andre Carter. Mike Florio really breaks it down at Sporting News, and seems to favor the Dolphins slightly in the trade. Peter King is fascinated by how quickly the trade went down, and thinks that any package for Favre has to be greater than the one for Taylor. I think there is a far greater market for Taylor. Taylor step right in and can start on any team in the NFL; Favre would have to learn a new playbook and wouldn't start on at least five teams.

I think Washington went from being a 6-10 or 7-9 team to 9-7. Looking at the NFC East on paper, the only team that looks better than the Skins is the Cowboys. The Giants lose Strahan and have the subtraction by addition of Shockey. Washington was weak last year at receiver, and they really weren't generating a pass rush until late in the season. Now they add two of the top receivers in the draft and a top five defensive end.

I've been waiting 20 years to post this cover

2008-07-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

It was inevitable for someone to post shots from the Watchmen trailer next to the corresponding graphic novel panels, and Ropesofsilicon did the heavy lifting.

Looks like they made the cover of EW, not quite the classic lineup picture though. There's a great cover story with the first legitimate details I've seen and a look back with Moore and Gibbons.

Slashfilm has the details on a ET homage thanks to an odd MPAA stipulation.

Patrick Wilson implies that the movie will end like the comic, as if there was any doubt. (Okay, I had a little doubt.)

This is an operating table

2008-07-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

The two graphic novels most associated with the maturation of the comics industry are Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns. Watchmen is finally becoming a movie, and I caught this little tribute to DKR in Batman: The Animated Series last night.

You got served!

2008-07-18T06:42:00.001-07:00

Well this is the coolest thing I've seen today.

Watchmen trailer is online, awesome

2008-07-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

Looks like it's not on Youtube anymore, but here it is in HD on Apple. Also, here are the lyrics for The End is the Beginning is the End by Smashing Pumpkins (I love to do that) which is playing in the background.

The first lady of Burgerland

2008-07-16T11:41:00.001-07:00

NBA trades continue to baffle me

2008-07-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

Marcus Camby has made NBA All-Defensive First Team the last two seasons, after being Second Team the two seasons before that. He won NBA Defensive Player of the Year the year before last, and was second in the NBA in rebounding last year with 13.1 per game. He's signed for two more seasons at a very reasonable $10 million per, so his contract expires when Lebron, Wade, et al will be free agents. So how come he has zero trade value? (The right to swap second round picks in 23 months can be approximated as zero.)

NBA trades baffle me. I came to the conclusion in February that Portland did a great job getting Channing Frye for Zach Randolph, Dan Dickau, Fred Jones, and $30 million. But this one takes the cake. Do you mean to tell me that no team could offer anything for Marcus Camby? Or is it that nothing is more valuable than something. It's not like the Nuggets traded Camby to a team in the East either; the Nuggets and Clippers have been within five spots of each other in the Western Conference the last four years.

I keep having to remind myself that the Clippers aren't the team dumping salary here. The fact that they're the team making a killing plants a seed of doubt in my mind that it's a wise move. The best apart about this trade is that the Nuggets will be even more entertaining to watch - they were 29th in the league in points allowed last year at 107.0 (also the second most since 1997) and could challenge 110 this year.

The case for Favre in Washington

2008-07-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

I'm going down the list of possible destinations for Brett Favre, and the Redskins are starting to look more and more like the most likely destination. Right away, you can eliminate Chicago and Minnesota, because Green Bay still controls his rights and there is zero chance they deal him within the devision. Miami has frequently been mentioned, but I can't see Favre renegotiating his contract to play on a team coming off of 1-15. Likewise Atlanta. Baltimore is a possibility, but the Ravens are focused on rebuilding and are downplaying their interest. The Jets are a logical destination, although they haven't been mentioned as prominently as the other teams and should be concerned about retarding the development of Kellen Clemens by potentially moving him to third on the depth chart. Tampa Bay is a strong contender, since Jon Gruden is a former Packers assistant coach and he loves to accumulate quarterbacks.

Mike Francesca today indicated he had heard Washington and Carolina were in the mix. Out of all of these teams, the Panthers are the only one with an above average quarterback, as Jake Delhomme was on his way to a career season last year before he hurt his elbow, and is expected to be back at 100% (or more) next year. Also, the Panthers have already traded their first round pick for next year, so they may be wary or trading another high pick. That leaves the Redskins. They don't seem to have the cap room, although that's never stopped them before. It may hurt the development of Jason Campbell but, again, that's never stopped them before.

Looking at the obvious problems with acquiring a starting quarterback for a single season (building cohesion with the receivers and offensive line, learning the playbook, fracturing the locker room), the two most likely outcomes for the Favre saga are Favre starting for the Packers in week one or staying retired. But since I didn't see the retirement story getting this far, I'll acknowledge Tampa Bay, Washington, and the Jets as the likely contenders.

Potentially decent sporting event ruined by hokey announcers

2008-07-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

Watching Josh Hamilton crank three 500 foot home runs in five minutes would have been a lot more enjoyable if it weren't for ESPN's typically saccharin announcers trying to top each other each dinger.

Karl Ravetch: It's important to know he was addicted to drugs.
Steve Phillips: And he's doing it under the bright lights of Yankees Stadium.
Chris Berman: And so many people are watching him.
Joe Morgan: What impresses me is that he was away from the game for three years.
Rick Reilly: Josh Hamilton is proof of a supreme being.

Seriously? Maybe they were making slightly too big of a deal? If most of us show up to work with alcohol on our breath, we're fired on the spot. This guy goes on a five year bender with hardcore narcotics and happens to be so ridiculously talented that he can dominate after pissing away over 10% of his career that I'm supposed to feel good about it? Hey kids, maybe you can be born a great natural athlete so you can shoot smack in trailer parks for a while, and then come back and make eight figures.

(Karl Alzner is) The Shiznit

2008-07-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

The DC Sports Bog has had a fantastic week. First Dan Steinberg's skewering of the Washington Nationals abysmal television ratings generated a buzz around the city. Apparently the Nationals draw an average 9,000 households a game, last in the league. Next to last? The Royals, at 28,000! In a much smaller market! The best part: the Nationals don't feel the pinch, since their revenues were guaranteed by the MASN deal. So who suffers? You guessed it - Peter Angelos!

And then, Steinberg turned Karl Alzner from emerging prospect to cult hero by the revelation that he carries a discarded fake mustache worn by Snoop Dogg in the jacket of his only suit! Out of every athlete's superstition that I've ever heard, this is the only one I could relate to. If I found a fake mustache used by Snoop Dogg, I'd definitely pocket it, and were it at a hockey game and if I played hockey for a living, I'd be inclined to bring it to games.

So is Snoop Dogg a closet hockey fan, attending the game in disguise? Of course, this could be Snoop Dogg's evil brother, watching the evil (but equally dapper) Wario Lemieux. Or did Snoop just wear it to avoid drug arrests? None of the above: the mustache was meant to show support to Anaheim enforcer George Parros.

The smiling idiot will be played by the understudy

2008-07-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

I just saw this on Withleather; I still can't believe this stiff is the third highest paid player in the NFL (Manning, Roethlisberger).

Getting the band back together

2008-07-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

The Washington Capitals have but one free agent left to sign, first pair defenceman Shaone Morrisonn, and are $332,788 under the cap, safely assuming Brian Pothier is placed on long-term injured reserve. If Sami Lepisto and his $700,000 is left off the roster, a safe assumption after general manager George McPhee said the team was looking to carry six or seven defencemen this coming season, then the Caps are over a million under the cap. If Chris Clark opens the season on LTIR, then the Caps would be $3,666,121 under the salary cap, Morrissonn's salary (to be determined by arbitration, I'd say around $1,800,000) notwithstanding. That number would dry up if Clark was activated, but it's a way to get around the salary cap if/when the Caps are over by less than a million dollars.

Here's what the Caps lineup should look like next year to start the season:

Alexander Ovechkin - Nicklas Backstrom - Viktor Kozlov
Brooks Laich - Sergei Fedorov - Alexander Semin
Tomas Fleischmann - Michael Nylander - Boyd Gordon
Matt Bradley - David Steckel - Donald Brashear

Mike Green - Shaone Morrisonn
Tom Poti - Jeff Schultz
John Erskine - Karl Alzner

Jose Theodore
Brent Johnson

Once Clark gets healthy, hopefully Eric Fehr and/or Sami Lepisto works their way into the lineup, and Alzner established himself as a top four defenceman, the lines could look like this:

Alexander Ovechkin - Nicklas Backstrom - Viktor Kozlov
Chris Clark - Sergei Fedorov - Alexander Semin
Brooks Laich - Michael Nylander - Eric Fehr
Matt Bradley - David Steckel - Boyd Gordon

Mike Green - Shaone Morrisonn
Tom Poti - Karl Alzner
Sami Lepisto - Jeff Schultz

I'm assuming Brian Pothier will be forced to retire due to concussions, and that the Capitals will be able to stay below the cap and won't be forced to make a trade, but that is a potentially devastating lineup, for my money the best in the east.

Fire enough bullets...

2008-07-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

SI has a great piece today on Shawn Kemp, Jr. at the Reebok All-American camp. He's 17, and has contacted many of his half brothers and sisters around the country on Myspace, which must be a boon to the various illegitimate children of professional athletes. This reminds me of a great line from Huggy Lowdown: Shawn Kemp didn't make the All Star Team, but if he got all his kids to vote for him he'd be a starter.

Like Lil' Bush without the evil

2008-07-11T10:24:00.000-07:00

I'd like to be invited to a Oaks Christian High School party. Not to try to feed alcohol to underage girls, or at least that wouldn't be the only reason. Because the sons of Joe Montana, Wayne Gretzky, and Will Smith are on the football team, so I imagine the parties have some spectacular catering.

It seems the 6'2" Nicholas Montana has transferred to the Westlake Village, CA private school where he will compete with Trevor Gretzky, for playing time behind starter Tony Macarena (no connection to the song by Los del Ri o), who is throwing to Trey Smith. Notre Dame starting QB Jimmy Clausen was named USA Today Offensive Player of the Year there for the 2006 season.

All of this begs the question (posed by Puck Daddy): Wayne Gretzky's Waikiki Hockey versus Joe Montana's "I'll be in my room masturbating" versus Barkley vs. Barney versus Michael Jordan on Super Fans for best athlete SNL skit? If you're wondering where Peyton Manning is, check the videos and transcripts to see how far the once mighty Saturday Night Live has fallen.

9 days to go

2008-07-09T12:01:00.000-07:00

Just a week and a half until the release of one of the most anticipated movies of all time, a movie I predicted months ago would place in the top five of all time grossers. The early reviews of The Dark Knight have been gushing. From Variety:

An ambitious, full-bodied crime epic of gratifying scope and moral complexity, this is seriously brainy pop entertainment that satisfies every expectation raised by its hit predecessor and then some.

From The Rolling Stone:

The haunting and visionary Dark Knight soars on the wings of untamed imagination.

The cast is absolutely stacked. Heath Ledger (1 Academy Awards nomination), Michael Caine (six nominations, two wins), Morgan Freeman (four nominations, one win), and Eric Roberts (one nomination) bring the hardware, and it's shocking that Gary Oldman isn't on this list. Katie Holmes has been thankfully replaced by the less culty Maggie Gyllenhaal. And I truly expect Christian Bale to emerge as one of the biggest stars in Hollywood over the next calender year.

Biggest offseason winner: Frank Caliendo

2008-07-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

When Chris Mortensen dropped the bombshell last week that Brett Favre was considering a comeback, I was completely dismissive. I mean, consider the source. Mortensen has been loud wrong pretty frequently over the last few years, and this story sounded a little far fetched to me. Why would Favre risk his legacy by so clearly putting his own interests ahead of that of the team's? Coming out of retirement would make many of the Packers' offseason moves inconsequential, including drafting Brian Brohm in the second round and Matt Flynn in the 7th, and failing to address the middle of the pack rush defense.

And then Peter King, who's so in the tank for Favre that he's practically a caricature of Frank Caliendo's John Madden impersonation, dropped this nugget:

I fully expect Favre's agent to send a letter to the Packers within the next 10 days, stating that Favre, 38, wants to be taken off the National Football League's reserve/retired list.
Wow. And King is far from alone in speculating that if Green Bay doesn't welcome him back, Favre next two most likely destinations are division rivals Chicago and Minnesota. It's like the Packers had an amicable break up with it's girlfriend, they've moved on to someone new, and then the ex says "You're welcoming me back with a smile on your face or I'm moving in with your best friend."

The happiest guy in the world about this, even more than the kid who wore Favre's jersey for four straight years: Frank Caliendo. He's got to feel like like he just won the lottery. If Favre is playing next year, he'll be doing Madden impersonations on every media outlet from August to May. "My Brett Favre's back and your defense is in trouble..."

The Dark Knight that got away

2008-07-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

Spill's got Michael Bay's rejected script for The Dark Knight, and it's outstanding. My two favorite excerpts:

We pan to a beautiful woman: platinum blonde with a huge rack. She is the hottest woman in the world, but she wears glasses because she is also the smartest woman in the world.

and

JOKER unleashes an all-out barrage of missiles, like the biggest fucking missiles you will ever see. BATMAN shoots his own back, and they collide into each other in the middle of the highway releasing a violent explosion, and then, an explosion within that explosion. Afterward: one last explosion, this time in slow motion, with tanks flying out of it.

If I make it rain, it rains Boone's Farm, not Don P

2008-06-17T10:52:00.001-07:00

You could make the argument that Javon Walker received the richest contract ever given a wide receiver this offseason, as the Raiders gave him a more attractive package than the Patriots gave Randy Moss. You could have assumed that after teammate Darrent Williams died in Walker's arms after a drive by shooting about 18 months ago that he would avoid putting himself in that situation again. But here's Walker spraying champagne recently

despite the fact that champagne spraying directly led to the confrontation that ended in Williams' death.

Javon Walker was found robbed and unconscious with a fractured orbital bone in Las Vegas Monday morning. I imagine Al Davis will get his lawyers to try to find a way out of this contract, but I can't see that happening when essentially he was simply robbed. The Raiders could cut him, but he'd still pocket his $16 million guaranteed. I was critical of Major League Baseball running the Expos/Nationals for multiple seasons, but maybe it's time the NFL took over the Raiders, because these personnel moves have been so consistently ridiculous since they went to the Super Bowl a scant five years ago.

It don't stand for Hooked on Fonics

2008-06-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

Michael Strahan (7 Pro Bowls) retired yesterday, augmenting a potential Hall of Fame class that includes locks Brett Favre (9), Warren Sapp (7), and Larry Allen (11). First ballot locks Junior Seau (12) and Jonathan Ogden (11) could both retire any day now. And borderline Hall of Famers Steve McNair (3), Priest Holmes (3), Bryant Young (4), and Rod Smith (3) have also retired this offseason.

Ogden will almost certainly retire before training camp, but Seau may stick around for another year. Let's say they both retire. Between four and seven people are inducted each year. Favre, Ogden, and Seau are first ballot locks. Favre is the only player to win three straight MVPs. Ogden is mentioned among the greatest as his position than anyone else I've mentioned except Allen. And Seau's 12 Pro Bowls should ensure first ballot status. Allen should be a lock, ESPN ranked him fourth among active players last year, ahead of Ray Lewis, in terms of Hall of Fame resume. And Strahan and Sapp are more likely than not first ballot HOFers, although Giants legend Harry Carson and media darling Michael Irvin having to wait around indicates it is possible they'll have to wait a few years. McNair, Holmes, Young, Smith have zero chance of getting in on the first ballot. So, if Ogden and Seau retire, I'm saying the class of 2013 has four locks and two likelies.

I looked at the all time Hall of Fame classes, and only two stand out above this potential class: the inaugural class of 1963, highlighted by Sammy Baugh, Red Grange, George Halas, Don Hutson, Curly Lambeau, Bronko Nagurski, Ernie Nevers, and Jim Thorpe, and the class of 1971, highlighted by Jim Brown, Vince Lombardi, Y.A. Tittle, and Norm Van Brocklin.

So who are the Hall of Famers that will still be playing next year?

Locks
QB: Peyton Manning, Tom Brady
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson
WR: Randy Moss, Marvin Harrison
TE: Tony Gonzalez
LB: Ray Lewis, Derrick Brooks
CB: Champ Bailey

Probable
WR: Terrell Owens, Torry Holt
TE: Antonio Gates
OT: Orlando Pace, Walter Jones
DE: Richard Seymour, Jason Taylor
LB: Shawne Merriman
S: Ed Reed, John Lynch
K: Adam Vinatieri

Outside Looking in
RB: Fred Taylor, Shaun Alexander, Edgerrin James
WR: Isaac Bruce, Hines Ward
DE: Simeon Rice
LB: Tedi Bruschi, Zach Thomas
CB: Ronde Barber, Ty Law, Charles Woodson
S: Brian Dawkins, Rodney Harrison

I'm counting 20 likely Hall of Famers remaining in the NFL, with Adrian Peterson and Ben Roethlisberger the most likely young players to be considered down the road. Since six out of a likely 26 Hall of Famers from this past season may be retired, that's 23% in one season. The NFL will need some guys to step up in the years to come.

Ed Hochuli decapitates player while giving first down signal

2008-06-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of The Onion

The Story of Bo Diddley

2008-06-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

One of the true giants of American rock and roll passed away yesterday. Bo Diddley's iconic trademark baseline is featured in Not Fade Away by The Rolling Stones and Buddy Holly, Born to Hand Jive from the soundtrack of Grease, and I Want Candy by The Strangeloves and Bow Wow Wow. He also starred in the greatest commercial ever. The Tony Kornheiser Show played The Animals' The Story of Bo Diddley in its entirety, so I looked up the lyrics.

Now lets hear the story of Bo Diddley
And the Rock n Roll scene in general
Bo Diddley was born Ellas McDaniels
In a place called McComb, Mississippi about 1926
He moved to Chicago about 1938
Where his name was eventually changed to Bo Diddley
He practiced the guitar everyday and sometimes into the night
Till his papa's hair began to turn white
His Pa said "Son, listen hear, I know
You can stay but that guitar has just got to go"
So he pulled his hat down over his eyes
Headed on out for them Western Skies
I think Bob Dylan said that
He hit New York City
He began to play at the Apollo in Harlem
Good scene there everybody raving
One day, one night, came a Cadillac, four head lights
Came a man with a big, long, fat, cigar said,
"C'mere son, I'm gonna make you a star"
Bo Diddley said, "Uh..whats in it for me?"
Man said, "Shut your mouth son,
play your guitar and you just wait and see"
Well, that boy made it, he made it real big
And so did the rest of the rock n roll scene along with him
And a white guy named Johnny Otis took Bo Diddleys rhythm
He changed it into hand-jive and it went like this
In a little old country town one day
A little old country band began to play
Add two guitars and a beat up saxophone
When the drummer said, boy, those cats begin to roam
Oh baby oh we oh oh
Ooh la la that rock and roll
Ya hear me oh we oh oh
Ooh la la that rock and roll
Then in the U.S. music scene there was big changes made
Due to circumstances beyond our control such as payola
The rock n roll scene died after two years of solid rock
And you got discs like, ah...
Take good care of my baby
Please don't ever make her blue and so forth
About, ah, one year later in a place called Liverpool in England
Four young lads with mop haircuts began to sing stuff like, ah...
It's been a hard days night and I've been working like a dog and so on
In a place called Richmond in Surrey, way down in the deep south
They got guys with long hair down their back singing
I wanna be your lover baby I wanna be your man yeah and all that jazz
Now we been doing this number of Bo Diddley for quite some time now
Bo Diddley visited this country last year
We were playing at the Club A Gogo in Newcastle, our home town
And the doors opened one night and to our surprise
Walked in the man himself, Bo Diddley
Along with him was Jerome Green, his maraca man,
And the Duchess, his gorgeous sister
And a we were doing this number
Along with them came the Rolling Stones, the Mersey Beats,
They're all standing around diggin' it
And I overheard Bo Diddley talkin'
He turned around to Jerome Green
And he said, "Hey, Jerome? What do you think these guys
Doin' our..our material?"
Jerome said, "Uh, where's the bar, man? Please show me to the bar..."
He turned around the Duchess
And he said, "Hey Duch...what do you think of these young guys
Doin' our material?"
She said, "I don't know. I only came across here
To see the changin' of the guards and all that jazz."
Well, Bo Diddley looked up at me and he said,
With half closed eyes and a smile,
He said "Man," took off his glasses,
He said, "Man, that sure is the biggest load of rubbish
I ever heard in my life..."
Oh Bo Diddley
Yeah Bo Diddley
Oh Bo Diddley
Yeah Bo Diddley
Yeah Bo Diddley
Yeah Bo Diddley
Oh Biddley
Yeah Bo Diddley

Like Michael Jackson without the crazy

2008-06-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

Eek! A penis!

2008-05-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

Garry Kasparov, maybe the greatest chess player ever, is not a fan of the Kremlin. Personally, I don't mind them as long as you don't feed them after midnight. Anyway, some of his comrades decided to express their disagreement in the most hilarious way possible.

How about that security? It's like they're not even phased by flying penises. I know I am, it's like some kind of recurring nightmare. And the female reporter at the end who tries not to look, like it's some kind of a train wreck of a penis.

My City Screams

2008-05-13T06:41:00.000-07:00

I'm amped for The Spirit, largely because it's the legitimate directorial debut of Frank Miller. It's slated for a Christmas release according to the slick official website. If there was a Mount Rushmore of comic books heroes in the 1940s, the faces of Superman, Batman, Captain Marvel (AKA Shazam!), and The Spirit would be carved.

Baseball sucks

2008-05-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

Richie Sexson has a lot to be upset about. His average and power numbers have plummeted since 2003 (he suffered a shoulder injury in 2004, and steroid testing in MLB started in 2005). And he's in the last year of a four year, $50 million deal he signed with Seattle prior to 2005, and he figures to take a massive pay cut. But it's just lame to charge the mound when the pitch doesn't come close, especially when your pitcher just hit two guys on the other team.

In relevant sports news, 86 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes until the Hall of Fame game in Canton, OH.

Stay classy Charles

2008-05-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

Paging Dr. Emo

2008-05-07T23:25:00.001-07:00

Exclusive footage of Spears baby

2008-05-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

This is the coolest baby I've ever seen. Sorry Whitney.

Red Sox, red tires, and a red grill

2008-05-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

43 year old Ivonne Hernandez, who looks like Nick Nolte's soulmate in this mugshot, took the Yanks/Sawx rivalry up to a whole new level when she drove her car, adorned with a Yankees bumper sticker and serenaded with "Yankees suck," into a crowd of Red Sox fans without braking. She killed Matthew Beaudoin, 29, which freaks me out a little because he's my age.

Hernandez is being represented by public defender James Quay. She's being charged with second degree murder, aggravated drunk driving, and taking sports way too seriously. I mean, I thought I took sports seriously. I guess being sad for a few days after an overtime game seven loss pales in comparison to accelerating into a crowd of people. And the Yankees and their fans are out of control. Between this and dropping $50,000 to dig up the Ortiz jersey, maybe they need to follow a sport with less then 162 games a season.

Nabbed

2008-05-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

I watched game six of San Jose-Dallas last night, and 1:31 into OT Evgeni Nabokov made the greatest glove save I've ever seen, possibly in honor of my sister's birthday, since the game lasted until nearly 2:30 A.M. Of course, at about 5:20 that's about as long as a typical American League game.

OK Otis

2008-05-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

I noticed this powerful soliloquy by Vikings DE Otis Grigsby on AOL Fanhouse today, and after eight minutes and explaining why the police killed his prison guard uncle, he says to try to get this out, and embed it. It's powerful stuff and a rapid eight minutes.

You know what grinds my gears?

2008-04-30T07:00:00.001-07:00

Every guy can relate to this.

She Has A Boyfriend - Watch more free videos

Ovechkin makes the big time

2008-04-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team

The Skinny Post Draft Grades

2008-04-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

This was a not a strong draft, probably the weakest since 2005, when weak armed Alex Smith was the number one pick. The dropoff in talent began with the eighth pick, and there wasn't another big dropoff until late second round. So anyone that traded down, starting with Baltimore at eight, made a good move. Except of course, Detroit.

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys - B-
I loved moving up and getting Mike Jenkins at 25 and liked Martellus Bennett at 61, because there was an obvious dropoff at each of those positions. Was anyone else in that range interested in Felix Jones? I'm not sure but it was common knowledge the Cowboys were. Did they really need to make a backup RB their first choice, especially when they took one with their 4th choice? It seems reminiscent of Trung Canidate as a 1st rounder. I would have liked seeing them pick up a WR. The Pacman Jones trade has to be considered as part of their draft, and a 4th rounder for a top 5 corner could end up being a bargain.

New York Giants - C+
The Giants had the last pick in every round, so it was tough to make an impact. Manningham was overrated throughout the season and shouldn't be considered a steal. I was surprised Terrell Thomas went before Charles Godfrey. Kenny Phillips was a typical need based Super Bowl champs pick; you love to get a immediate starter late first, because they're locked up for five years at a reasonable price tag. Their 6th rounder was acquired last year from Green Bay for Ryan Grant.

Philadelphia Eagles - D
The Eagles have traded out of the first round the last two years to get guys that could be considered reaches at positions of strength with their first picks (QB Kevin Kolb last year, DT Trevor Laws this year). I like the fact that they picked up Carolina's 2009 1st in the process, but best case scenario it's early teens. They certainly addressed a need with Desean Jackson, but they would have been better served drafting a size guy to start versus another Smurf. Jack Ikegwuono could look like a steal in 18 months, but there are 4th rounders who could have helped them on special teams this year.

Washington Redskins - A
No first rounders and they get their top 2 guys at a need position? Vinny Cerrato's eyes must have been bulging out of his head. Fred Davis was also a value pick, in fact any of their top 3 picks could have gone late first without criticism. I like the Durant Brooks pick; punter was a need and he dominated the ACC this year. La Canfora nailed the Kareem Moore pick; the Redskins loved him and they didn't have to reach. It's hard to envision Colt Brennan ever playing in the NFL.

NFC North
Chicago Bears - C
Chris Williams went where he supposed to in a run on tackles, and Marcus Harrison may end up being the best player picked on the second day, although eerily reminiscent of Denver's pick of Marcus Thomas, who was busted for cocaine last month. RB was their top need, and they took speed guy Matt Forte in the 2nd, but I prefer Ray Rice as an every down back. They didn't need to take a QB on the first day, but they needed to take somebody. Zack Bowman and Kellen Davis were nice picks.

Detroit Lions - F
I didn't like a single thing they did. They trade down with the 2nd rated offensive lineman in the draft on the board, pick up a 5th, and take the 5th rated guy. Maybe Jordon Dizon sticks, but he's small and slow. Kevin Smith has character issues, runs standing up, can't catch the football, and has no tread left on his tires. Jerome Felton is an ok pick, but Owen Schmitt explodes off of tape and went 20 picks later. Caleb Campbell is a nice story but this is about wins, not sentimentality. NFL GM should be an elected position, but in Detroit it's like Millen is a judge and can't be fired.

Green Bay Packers - A-
The Packers traded their 6th last year for Ryan Grant and picked up a 2nd for Corey Williams; both were good moves. I didn't love the Jordy Nelson pick but didn't hate it. Brian Brohm, Patrick Lee, and Jermichael Finley were all tremendous picks with regard to need and value. Matt Flynn isn't an NFL QB, but they need bodies at the position and do have a spectacular history developing QBs. Without Ryan Grant I'd give them a B-, but getting a probable Pro Bowler for a late pick is enormous.

Minnesota Vikings - B+
They traded a 1st and 2 3rds for Jared Allen, who is a better bet to dominate over the life of his contract than anyone in this draft, unless he's suspended. It's about the same that Jacksonville gave up for Derrick Harvey, who is far from a sure thing, and has a similar contract to Jake Long, who may be a RT. John David Booty could easily play this year, and picking up a potential starting QB in the 5th is remarkable. Tyrell Johnson is a classic team-with-no-1st pick, maybe the best at his position.

NFC South
Atlanta Falcons - D
The worst thing they did was trade up with the Redskins for Sam Baker, who has 2nd round talent written all over him. Taking Matt Ryan at 3 after Glenn Dorsey was mentioned so prominently reflects poorly on new GM Tom Dimitroff - was it his pick or Arthur Blank's? And Matt Ryan is as much a reach as Joe Flacco: is he really the third most talented guy in the draft? Curtis Lofton was a good need pick. I'm not a big fan of any of their 3 3rds. If this team trades back with New Orleans and doesn't trade up with Washington maybe they get Joe Flacco at QB, Jamaal Brown at LT, and they can fill out a decimated roster with 2nds and 3rds.

Carolina Panthers - A-
Jonathan Stewart is an enormous favorite for rookie of the year. I thought he was a slight reach when they needed a tackle, but they got mammoth Jeff Otah at the expense of next year's 1st, the only reason they don't get an A. Trading next year's 1st for a tackle is more likely to work out than any other position, last year's 49ers-Patriots deal notwithstanding. Charles Godfrey and Dan Connor were both great value picks, particularly Godfrey who can play all over the defensive backfield. I'm a big fan of Nick Hayden in the 6th, too.

New Orleans Saints - A
Love what they did in the 1st. Everyone knows they want a DT, yet they get the last blue chipper on the board for a very reasonable price tag. Tracy Porter is a great fit for their nickel package. The Saints also picked up Jonathan Vilma for a 4th, so their run D figures to be vastly improved. I was surprised DeMario Pressley was still available when they took him, and Carl Nicks was one of the better value picks among O linemen.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - B+
One of the few drafts ever where you might have heard of every pick. Aqib Talib has by far the best ball skills of any defensive back in the draft and is a perfect fit in Tampa. Dexter Jackson has been squarely on my radar since lighting up Michigan in September and shouldn't be considered a reach. Jeremy Zuttah is my number one player not drafted on day one and is a lock to start at some point. Maryland DTs have produced recently in the NFL, so Dre Moore has a pedigree. Geno Hayes could be a stud on special teams. I penalized them for adding a 7th QB to the roster, but I liked the way they waited for their guys to come to them.

NFC West
Arizona Cardinals - C+
They were taking the top CB available, and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie was the top CB for a number of teams (the Cowboys for one). Calais Campbell clearly should have stayed in school, but the success of Chris Canty should have helped his stock at least a little. I'm not a big Early Doucet fan but it's not like they reached on him. Their draft picks have some of the coolest names of the weekend, my favorite being Tim Hightower.

San Francisco 49ers - D
If they went 11-5 you'd like their draft more, but they went 5-11 and the Patriots reaped the reward. Kentwan Balmer was rated by many as the 3rd DT and fills a big need - one of the better picks of the 1st round. Chilo Rachal went 44 picks before the next OG drafted - seems like a huge reach. Reggie Smith and Josh Morgan were a nice value and need picks. This team needed more picks, but the Patriots deal and losing their 5th for tampering with Lance Briggs killed their draft.

Seattle Seahawks - C-
Hate what they did on the 1st day, love what they did on the 2nd day. I was shocked they took Lawrence Jackson over Dustin Keller in the 1st, and then they respond by overpaying to trade up in the 2nd for John Carlson, who ran a 4.88 at the combine (Keller ran a 4.55). Red Bryant could have gone 2 rounds earlier without criticism, Owen Schmitt is a Mike Alstott clone, and they got 2 elite special teams prospects late in long snapper Tyler Schmitt and strong legged kicker Brandon Coutu.

St. Louis Rams - D-
Chris Long or Glenn Dorsey would have been fine picks at 2, but in the dome I would lean toward an edge rusher. Long is the rookie most likely to make the Pro Bowl, but they still should have traded down instead of giving him $30 million up front. Donnie Avery was a substantial reach as the first WR drafted and St. Louis should have traded down; the deal the Ravens took 5 picks later would have been much better to have. I can't believe St. Louis waited all night and took John Greco with the 2nd pick of day 2, another reach when they surely could have traded down. I like Justin King's measurables in the 4th but he's the football equivalent of Jim McIlvaine in that he's on everyone's highlight tape.

AFC East
Buffalo Bills - B
They traded Darwin Walker and Willis McGahee for picks used to trade for Marcus Stroud, my favorite DT trade of the offseason. Leodis McKelvin was absolutely the right pick at 11. James Hardy went where he was expected, but the WRs drafted around him were all expected to be drafted higher. I like the Chris Ellis and Demetrius Bell picks because they fit my script: productive big school pass rusher with non-character flags and raw small school OT.

Miami Dolphins - C-
Jake or Chris Long would have been a fine pick at 1, but I'm always in favor of trading down at the top of the draft. Now you've got a guy you're not sure can play LT as one of the 3 highest paid non QBs in the league. Philip Merling is an excellent complementary DE that reminds me of Rob Burnett. I don't see the attraction with Chad Henne; poor size, mechanics, and athleticism. If he played at Michigan State he'd be a 5th rounder.

New England Patriots - C
Sometimes I think I'm the only person that realizes that the Patriots draft more for need than any other team in the NFL, mostly because they have fewer needs than any other team. I thought they would have been better served with McKelvin in the 1st and either Gooden or Connor in the 2nd but I have zero Super Bowl rings and Scott Pioli has 3. I also thought the Patriots didn't get enough trading down, but I thought the same thing last year and that's how they got the 7th overall pick. Loved Jonathan Wilhite in the 4th, my favorite pick of the 4th, and I think he'll be a starter in this league.

New York Jets - B-
Vernon Gholston wasn't quite the worst case scenario for the Jets, but he was close. Still, he was the obvious pick for the 3-4. I loved the move for Dustin Keller; taking him in the 1st means he signs a 5 year deal instead of a 4 year deal, and there's reason to believe he would have been gone if they didn't trade up. I question Dwight Lowery and Marcus Henry's ability to contribute on special teams. Erik Ainge is an intriguing prospect, and you can compare to Tom Brady in that he's the quickest decision maker among 2nd day QBs.

AFC North
Baltimore Ravens - B
Joe Flacco may have been a reach, but let's say they stay at 26 and Flacco is gone. Then they're taking Chad Henne at 26 which is an even bigger reach. The embedded NFL Network reporter said the Ravens heard the Jets were looking to trade up for Flacco, which is possible. For where he was taken, Ray Rice is my 2nd favorite RB in the draft after Mendenhall. I don't view him as undersized, and he's a great athlete with soft hands. Look at where the Rutgers program is right now, and Rice is the biggest reason. He figures to get 100+ touches next year. With only 2 legit safeties on the roster, Tom Zbikowski and Haruki Nakamura are locks to make the roster and contribute on special teams, which will be excellent next year. Scouts, Inc. had Oniel Cousins as the #3 OG and Cris Carter was a huge fan of Marcus Smith, a converted RB. Tarvares Gooden is a classic Ravens early 2nd day pick and filled a need. Everyone picked after him will have to contribute on special teams to make the final 53. With so many trades you would have liked to see them pick up some picks for next season. Their 5th rounder was used on Jared Gaither in the supplemental draft last year, which was worthwhile. They also traded a 4th for Oakland CB Fabian Washington, a former 1st rounder who fills a need at a reasonable base salary.

Cincinnati Bengals - C-
I liked what they did with their 1st 3 picks. I heard they were disappointed not to land Ellis, but if they wanted him enough they should have traded up. Keith Rivers was another obvious pick. Jerome Simpson reminds me Chad Johnson a little, certainly in terms of measurables. Pat Sims was a great value/need pick. Andre Caldwell seems to be the pick made because of Johnson's threats; perhaps it's another indicator they should have taken the Redskins' offer for Chad. Corey Lynch is another guy drafted off of Appalachian State.

Cleveland Browns - D
The Browns gave up their 1st in the Brady Quinn deal last year, their 2nd for Corey Williams, and their 3rd for Shaun Rogers. What I want to know is why is any team emulating the Daniel Snyder Redskins? They also traded their 3rd rounder next year for Martin Rucker. With free agent contracts spiraling out of control late 1st rounders-3rd rounders are so valuable it's ridiculous. And they've done nothing at backup RB. I did like Beau Bell in the 4th.

Pittsburgh Steelers - A-
The classic debate of need versus best play available must have taken place in the Steelers draft room. It's not even debatable that they took the best player available with their first two picks, but offensive line was by far their biggest need. I'm always a proponent of sticking to your board, but they need another blocker or 2 before they start the season, although Tony Hills was a nice pick that should make the 53. Dennis Dixon is more valuable because he's injured: you put him on injured reserve and doesn't waste a roster spot.

AFC South
Houston Texans - C+
They took some heat for the Duane Brown pick, but they took some heat for the Mario Williams pick and how did that work out? You have to figure they had Brown targeted because they took 50 cents on the dollar to move back, when they could have stayed at 18 and drafted Otah or Mendenhall. Brown was also maybe their most obscure pick. Antwaun Molden was the best corner available when they picked him, Steve Slaton is a nice change of pace back, and Xavier Adibi's fall raised some eyebrows. You just know Dominique Barber is going to be a player with his bloodlines.

Indianapolis Colts - B-
The Colts traded their 1st rounder for Tony Ugoh last year, so right away they look good. They took the consensus top OC in the draft with their 2nd with Mike Pollak, and maybe the #2 center with Steven Justice in the 6th, and one more OC with their last pick. The Colts always seem to be drafting TEs, (they took 2) but that's a product of their offense. Philip Wheeler and Marcus Howard are good need/value picks that can help out special teams. At the end of the day, Mike Hart is small, slow, and can't stay healthy.

Jacksonville Jaguars - D
They traded a 1st, 2 3rds, and a 4th for Derrick Harvey, which makes me wonder if they should have matched the Vikings' offer for Jared Allen. Harvey wasn't a huge reach, but there was a big dropoff from 7 to 8. There was a point in time Quentin Groves was expected to be a high 1st rounder, so the upside is there. There are flags around Chauncey Washington, but any time you get a starting USC tailback in the 7th round you're getting a steal.

Tennessee Titans - D
The Chris Johnson pick screams bust. These pure speed RBs that go too high always bust because too much is expected too early. Jason Jones and Craig Stevens were okay picks who will see the field as rookies. Stevens is a fantastic in line blocker but they already have Crumpler and Scaife. Few people had heard of William Hayes, including those putting together the invites for the combine. Lavell Hawkins in the 4th saves the draft from a fail, and is a sleeper for rookie of the year.

AFC West
Denver Broncos - C-
Ryan Clady was great 12th pick who could have easily gone 8th. Eddie Royal went ahead of a lot of more noteworthy, larger WRs. Kory Lichtensteiger also seems like a reach. They drafted 2 guys from both Virginia Tech and Arizona State. They took RB Ryan Torain in the 5th; every time they take a 2nd day RB they end up rushing for 100 yards at least once during the season. There were all kind of 2nd day picks going to and from Denver in trades, most amusingly Washington's 4th rounder in the T.J. Duckett deal.

Kansas City Chiefs - A+
At first I was shocked they turned down the Saints offer of their 1st, 2nd, and 1st next year for the 5th pick, but then I realized the dropoff from 5 to 10, let alone from 5 to 6, so I could see what Carl Peterson was doing. They add a top 2 defensive lineman and a top 2 offensive lineman in what may go down as one of the greatest drafts of all time. Out of all the top 10 picks, you can feel good about Glenn Dorsey's contract, as he'd get $20 million or more up front were he a free agent. Branden Albert is the one O lineman that was a value pick on the first day. Brandon Flowers fell 10-20 picks for running a 4.55 and not a 4.45, which isn't atrocious. 3rd rounders Jamaal Charles, Brad Cottam, and DeJuan Morgan are ridiculous value picks, each of whom could have gone in the top 40 without raising any eyebrows.

Oakland Raiders - D-
The Raiders traded their 2nd and 5th for DeAngelo Hall, and I can't imagine anyone else could have matched that offer, so I don't like that deal. They're basically an expansion team, (Nnamdi Asomugha and Derrick Burgess are their only players who can start on more than half a dozen or so teams) so they would have been better served trading down. Now Darren McFadden will get beaten up for 5 years while Oakland wins 2-6 games a year. Tyvon Branch is a great size and speed guy who is a classic Raiders pick. I don't think anyone knows who they're last pick is - he's listed at 0'0", o lbs.

San Diego Chargers - C
For the 2nd straight year the Chargers stand pat in the 1st round and take a guy not recognized as the top guy available at a need position. A lot of mocks had them taking Brandon Flowers, but Antoine Cason was a better pick than Buster Davis over Anthony Gonzalez last year. If anyone can figure out how to use Jacob Hester it's Norv Turner. It was pointed out by Mike Nolan yesterday that the 49ers suffered for the late loss of Turner, so it's interesting that the Chargers may have helped the Patriots draft by hurting the 49ers. Their 2nd rounder was traded for Chris Chambers, and their 4th round pick was used on Paul Oliver in the supplemental draft last year.

52 hours to go

2008-04-24T06:21:00.000-07:00

Parcells blew up my last mock, but I'm feeling confident about this one. The key pick here is at 3. If Atlanta takes Ryan, the next 12 picks are just about locked in if their are no trades. The Jared Allen deal has a huge effect on 3 picks: the Chiefs are more likely to take a defensive lineman at five, the Raiders are now more likely to take a defensive lineman to keep them off the Chiefs at four, and the 17th pick going to the Chiefs can cause a ripple effect into the 20s. That being said, I still have the Chiefs taking Albert at five, because LT is a huge need and there is too much smoke around that pick for their interest not to be real.

1. Miami Dolphins - Jake Long OT Michigan
2. St. Louis Rams - Glenn Dorsey DT LSU
3. Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan QB BC
4. Oakland Raiders - Chris Long DE Virginia
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Branden Albert OT/OG Virginia
6. New York Jets - Darren McFadden RB Arkansas
7. New England Patriots - Keith Rivers LB USC
8. Baltimore Ravens - Vernon Gholston DE/OLB Ohio State
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Sedrick Ellis DT USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Leodis McKelvin CB Troy
11. Buffalo Bills - Devin Thomas WR Michigan State
12. Denver Broncos - Ryan Clady OT Boise State
13. Carolina Panthers - Chris Williams OT Vanderbilt
14. Chicago Bears - Jeff Otah OT Pitt
15. Detroit Lions - Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois
16. Arizona Cardinals - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB Tennessee State
17. Kansas City Chiefs (from Minnesota Vikings) - Derrick Harvey DE Florida
18. Houston Texans - Mike Jenkins CB South Florida
19. Philadelphia Eagles - Aqib Talib CB Kansas
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - James Hardy WR Indiana
21. Washington Redskins - Philip Merling DE Clemson
22. Dallas Cowboys - Desean Jackson WR Cal
23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Kentwan Balmer DT UNC
24. Tennessee Titans - Linas Sweed WR Texas
25. Seattle Seahawks - Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma
26. Jacksonville Jaguars - Calais Campbell DE Miami
27. San Diego Chargers - Gordon Cherilus OT BC
28. Dallas Cowboys - Felix Jones RB Arkansas
29. San Francisco 49ers - Jerrod Mayo LB Tennessee
30. Green Bay Packers - Brandon Flowers CB Virginia Tech
31. New York Giants - Kenny Phillips S Miami

A week to go

2008-04-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

Now that the Capitals' season is on life support, I can shift my attention back to the NFL Draft, which has only had a portion of my attention. Actually, perhaps my job and girlfriend will be the ones receiving the attention I had previously devoted to the Stanley Cup Playoffs, because it's not like I haven't been paying attention to draft rumors. Anyway, this is how I see it breaking down right now.

I'm not ready to project any trades, but the hottest spot figures to be at 7, since New England may be looking to trade out of to recoup their lose first round pick from Spygate. What I've heard at 1 is that Parcells is looking to pay the top pick less than JaMarcus Russell got last year, that Jake Long is his first choice, and Gholston his second. I've also heard is that Jake Long is a mortal lock to go top 5, but the same can't be said for Gholston. So Gholston would likely be more receptive to a less-than-market-value-but-more-than-$30-million signing bonus. I also compared Todd McShay's and Mel Kiper's mock drafts and if they have the same player at a spot, it's hard to deny they likely have inside info.

1. Miami Dolphins - Vernon Gholston DE/OLB Ohio State
2. St. Louis Rams - Jake Long OT Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons - Glenn Dorsey DT LSU
4. Oakland Raiders - Chris Long DE Virginia
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Branden Albert OG Virginia
6. New York Jets - Darren McFadden RB Arkansas
7. New England Patriots - Keith Rivers LB USC
8. Baltimore Ravens - Matt Ryan QB BC
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Sedrick Ellis DT USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Leodis McKelvin CB Troy
11. Buffalo Bills - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB Tennessee State
12. Denver Broncos - Ryan Clady OT Boise State
13. Carolina Panthers - Chris Williams OT Vanderbilt
14. Chicago Bears - Jeff Otah OT Pitt
15. Detroit Lions - Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois
16. Arizona Cardinals - Mike Jenkins CB South Florida
17. Minnesota Vikings - Derrick Harvey DE Florida
18. Houston Texans - Aqib Talib CB Kansas
19. Philadelphia Eagles - Devin Thomas WR Michigan State
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - James Hardy WR Indiana
21. Washington Redskins - Philip Merling DE Clemson
22. Dallas Cowboys - Desean Jackson WR Cal
23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Kentwan Balmer DT UNC
24. Tennessee Titans - Linas Sweed WR Texas
25. Seattle Seahawks - Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma
26. Jacksonville Jaguars - Calais Campbell DE Miami
27. San Diego Chargers - Gordon Cherilus OT BC
28. Dallas Cowboys - Felix Jones RB Arkansas
29. San Francisco 49ers - Jerrod Mayo LB Tennessee
30. Green Bay Packers - Brandon Flowers CB Virginia Tech
31. New York Giants - Kenny Phillips S Miami

Me thinks he doth protest too much

2008-04-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

In the annals of NFL draft bust history, Micheal Westbrook's name is barely mentioned. I suppose he had one halfway decent season, in which he had 65 catches for 1191 yards and 9 TDs, and the following year he blew out his ACL in week 2 against Dallas. But the next receiver drafted was Joey Galloway, so even if Westbrook was able to accumulate decent stats for more than the 89 games he played in, he would come out looking pedestrian by comparison.

Well he's back in the news, and not just for his homoerotic Brazilian jujitsu hobby. He wants you to know he's not gay. If you thought he was, it's probably because he beat Stephen Davis like a red headed step child for calling him gay. IF I had any Photoshop skills I'd be putting an 82 jersey on Chris Cooper's character from American Beauty, because Westbrook is so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents.

The most electrifying man in sports entertainment

2008-04-11T05:33:00.000-07:00

How excited am I about Alexander Ovechkin's playoff debut tonight?
I've seen almost every minute of every Caps game since Ovechkin signed his 13 year, $124 million extension January 10. Watched Ovechkin lead the league in:

Goals (65; 20%, or 13 goals, more than 2nd place).

Points (112).

Game-winning goals (11).

Power-play goals (22).

Even-strength goals (41).

Lead-changing goals (30).

Multi-goal games (13).

4-goal games (2).

Points in the last month of the season (31).

"Late-game pressure goals" (29) (defined by the league as overtime or third period goals when the score differential is 2 or less goals).

Late-game pressure points (44).

Game-winning goals in the third period (5).

Third period goals (26).

First period goals (17).

Shots (441).

And there's more statistical goodness: 11th in the league in hits, ninth in takeaways, 7th in plus/minus, the third most goals in his first three years in the league (behind Gretzky and Bossy), the third highest adjusted goal total in NHL history, and more ten or shot games since he entered the league than the next four players on the list combined. But with Ovechkin, you can't just rely on the stats. Because when you go to the video tape, you realize he transcends statistics.

He scores, he hits, and he gets the fans involved. I cannot fathom someone liking hockey and not buying what Ovechkin is selling.

The difference between the level of regular season and postseason play is greater than that of every other sport, so the dominant storyline of the second half of the NHL season is whether or not fans would get a chance to see Ovechkin in the playoffs. To what level can he take his play, and how elaborate will his celebrations be when he scores? I'm excited to find out.

The most compelling story in sports

2008-04-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

On November 21, 2007, the Washington Capitals dropped their fifth straight game to drop to 6-14-1, an shockingly poor record when you consider that only 5 of the NHL's 30 clubs are below .500 today. The same evening, the Ottawa Senators lost for the second time in three games, dropping to 16-4-0. Fast forward to today. The Capitals have won nine out of ten and the Senators have lost five out of six, and the Caps, in ninth place, sit two points behind the sixth place Sens with two games remaining.

After the Caps dropped to 6-14-1, they replaced coach Glen Hanlon with Bruce Boudreau, who should be a favorite for the Jack Adams Trophy (coach of the year). 6-14-1 equates to 13 out of a possible 42 points through 21 games, or 31%. The L.A. Kings currently have the worst record in the NHL with 69 points though 80 games, or 43.1% of the possible points. The Senators started out 15-2-0, 30 out of a possible 34 points or 88.2%. The Red Wings are wrapping up one of the best seasons ever with 111 points through 79 games, or 70.3%. So it's impossible to overstate how poor Washington's start or phenomenal Ottawa's start were. Truly amazing turnarounds.

Anybody but Isiah

2008-03-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

Former Pacers GM Donnie Walsh is set to oversee the basketball operations for the Knicks, and while Corky from Life Goes On would be an upgrade over Isiah Thomas, but Walsh is so overrated as a talent evaluator it's ridiculous. He destroyed the Pacers and built the Warriors in an incredibly one sided eight player mega deal about a year ago, hired Isiah Thomas as coach, traded Antonio Davis for a top 5 pick, and used that pick on Jonathan Bender instead of Shawn Marion, Rip Hamilton, or Wally Szczerbiak. His one great trade was Dale Davis for Jermaine O'Neal, but that was an obvious move at the time.

Why do you suck again?

2008-03-19T22:18:00.001-07:00

Peter Rosenberg released his long awaited follow up to "This is why you suck" and it's pretty strong. I'm posting it because YOU demand it! Without any further ado, here's "Duke Fan Stan."