Spartan bros

I can't stop watching Buddha do blow

Life is just highness and suffering.
Huzzah, South Park. Huzzah.

Jason Campbell is slightly above average

I've been snowed in since Friday afternoon, and on a long enough timeline it's inevitable that I'd make a list of my top 16 NFL quarterbacks. This was inspired by a discussion as to whether Jason Campbell was above average.

1. Peyton Manning
2. Tom Brady
3. Drew Brees
4. Aaron Rodgers
5. Philip Rivers
6. Brett Favre
7. Ben Roethlisberger
8. Tony Romo
9. Donovan McNabb
10. Eli Manning
11. Matt Schaub
12. Carson Palmer
13. Joe Flacco
14. Jay Cutler
15. Matt Ryan
16. Jason Campbell
17. David Garrard

Had Kurt Warner not retired he'd be #8.
So 32 teams, #16 and above constitutes above average. Everything I'm hearing is that Jason Campbell will be back, at least on a one year deal, so Washington could be doing a lot worse.

Airing of Sports Greivances

WTF was with the Orange Bowl last night? That was a BCS Bowl? Boise State could have played either of those teams with 19 hours off and named their score. I felt the same sense of guilt watching that game as when I was a fat and ate like 15 cookies my dad made in 10 minutes. Like why can't I quit bowl season? It's insulting to fans and alumni at schools, like you better wait to book that New Years trip to Jacksonville until we know if we're 3rd or 4th in this crap conference. I like how Green Bay is doing it: they're invading Glendale right now like Americans at pretty much any foreign tourist destination to see their team for which it is actually impossible to get tickets, leaving Siberian like conditions for high 50s at night.

And how can Arenas possibly be this retarded? I mean I hope the release the hell out of him, Vick-ify him. Vin Baker is sitting on his couch - ok, at a bar - toasting what a dumbass he is. You're healthy for two weeks in four years so you turn locker room into the bar from Unforgiven? What happens when Saunders asks him to play defense (I know, ha ha!) and he pulls a nine? And what's with Arenas not paying gambling debts? Didn't he take Stevenson for six figures shooting one-handed threes with his foot clearly on the line? Arenas was just suspended, by the way. I wanted to go to a game with a sign that had the word "Bullets" somehow, now it won't be the same.

And regarding Shanahan, I don't love Elway, so I'll never say he only won because of Elway. I'll say he only won because his team violated salary cap rules and had to forfeit 2 third rounders and $2 million. Plus his last two years the Skins won two more games than the Broncos. On the plus side Shanahan's last draft was his best (Clady 1, Royal 2, Hillis 7) and the Broncos shat the bed with their picks last year. Plus the Texans had the #3 offense in 08, #4 last year, so I'm on born with Kyle as OC. Here's what I'd consider an ideal draft for Washington: Okung 1, Colt McCoy 2. McCoy is perfect for his offense, rolling pocket over half the time, tons of boots in the red zone.

And how about Campbell lowering the boom on Portis? He's now my freaking hero. It was like a freestyle rap battle where the one guy goes first and it's lame, and then the next guy goes and everyone screams "Oooohhhhh" after like every line. Maybe CP will come out and blame an alternate personality that kisses the bosses ass and takes shots at coworkers, like Brownnose Bennie. On a Redskins Insider poll 3% sided with Portis, I don't think I've ever seen a poll with three choices where something got less than 3%. I mean Cerrato's approval rating had to be greater than 3%, and he was truly hated. Cutting Portis only saves the vet minimum (blame Snyder for guaranteeing him $7 million this offseason) and it still seems like there's no chance he's coming back.

Rack me.

Mediocrity is mine!

As if Bills fans haven't suffered enough, the Bills play a home game tonight in Toronto, a city far too clean to be American. Ralph Wilson has done some positive things to keep the team in upstate New York over the years, but playing footsie with Toronto sets him up to be the next Modell. Or Stewie, with whom the resemblance is unmistakable.

The NFL is on the air tonight. Oh lord.

Now that the NFL preseason has begun and the regular season is just around the corner, I find myself able to think about little else. In fact, I've been replacing the lyrics to songs that I hear with lyrics that more accurately describe my excitement.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

When you told me they don't count, I got a season pass.
I know I've got laundry to do, but I just can't get off of my ass.
But I know the reason why - nothings on
Except for season three of Mad Men
I don't even mind Campbell, even though he's an asshole
When oh when is it on again?

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

Well I remember
I remember, Tom Brady
How I could ever forget?
it was the first time, the last time, his ligament snapped.
But I know the reason why you're staying up
past 2:00 to watch this crap
to see if he's healthy
to help you in fantasy
It's a good thing I took a nap.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

Something else to tide you over until the draft