Oakland puts the fun is dysfunctional

The Raiders are truly the laughingstock of professional sports. If there was any doubt a week ago, this latest episode removes all doubt. During Lane Kiffin's postgame press conference, Tim Kawakami referred to an incident where Al Davis's crony John Herrera reportedly distributed an ESPN article critical of Kiffin. Out of the back of the room Herrera yelled out "That's not true!" and Kiffin starts smiling ear to ear like he just cracked a case. It's only a matter of time until he drives around the parking lot dragging the team's three Super Bowl trophiesbehind his car, because he just can't get fired. After the press conference Herrera got all up in Kawakami's business accusing him of false reporting and smoking pot. Here's Kawakami's account, along with Lowell Cohn's. This could be the most unintentionally funny video since last year's Kevin Everett video.

This just showed up in my email

From: EDWARD HOCHULI
To: me
Sent: Frisday, September 19, 2008 9:46 AM
Subject: RE: keep your chin up

Thanks so much for your email. I will learn from this mistake and move on, but this one will live with me for a long, long time.

Ed Hochuli

---

From: me
Sent: Wednesday, September 17, 2008 1:02 PM
To: EDWARD HOCHULI
Subject: keep your chin up

Feel better big guy.

Oh. Snap.

I was checking out the reviews for Righteous Kill last night, and one line gave me a pretty big chuckle.

As people have been saying lately, you can't put lipstick on a pig. This movie shouldn't star DeNiro and Pacino. It should star Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

I'm convinced Vince Young is gay

With the Vince Young shenanigans of this week as context, I'm convinced Vince Young is gay. Contributing to my opinion is the fact that he seems to enjoy slamming shots with topless men is some type of disco.

I mean what is wrong with this picture (made public this past offseason)? I know: no women present. Now there's not anything wrong with being gay, or being a gay quarterback, but I have to imagine the pressure on you would border on the ridiculous.

THIS is why you suck

About six months ago, the Duke football team backed out of a four game series with Louisville. There was a clause in the contract where if a team backed out there was a $150,000 buyout if a "team of similar stature" could not be found. Duke's attorney argued that this clause was unenforceable, because no team was of similar stature to Duke. The judge agreed:

At oral argument, Duke (with a candor perhaps more attributable to good legal strategy than to institutional modesty) persuasively asserted that this is a threshold that could not be any lower. Duke's argument on this point cannot be reasonably disputed by Louisville.

Now Fanhouse has the video and it does not disappoint.

They can call it The Motherlands

The frontrunner for naming rights for the Giants and Jets new stadium is Munich based insurance company Allianz. Although ending it's name with a Z may be very 21st century, the company has been around since 1890 and provided insurance to Auschwitz under Hitler. It's CEO at the time was in Hitler's cabinet. If they're considering Allianz, I'd hate to see the companies they rejected.

Moses comes down off the mountain

Commissioner and sexy beast Roger Goodell is conducting a web chat tomorrow on NFL.com, so I put some thought into it and came up with this whopper of a question.

One of the hot button issues this past offseason is the length of the preseason and the fact that preseason tickets cost as much as regular season tickets. What I don't understand is why teams don't just raise the price of regular season tickets and make preseason tickets cheaper. The practical advantage is that season ticket holders would have an easier time recouping their costs without selling regular season tickets at a premium. Could this upset the relationship between broker sites such as Razor Gator and Stub Hub and the teams with which they are partnered?

Yoko Romo

Props to Profootballtalk on this one.

Six pack of questions - week 1

I'm going to experiment with different wrap ups this year, because my MMFMQB format of last year was so difficult to maintain. I'm going with the ESPN six pack format this year until I don't, hopefully I'll nab a sponsorship from any beer company, alcoholic, non-alcoholic, or root.

1) The Steelers are the favorite to win the Super Bowl. True
The Chargers, Jaguars, and Colts all lost, while the Steelers dominated a healthy Texans team. Of all my predictions, I'd like to take back the Texans going 11-5, (I still think they're winning 9 or 10 games) but that's a quality team the Steelers rolled, and LaMarr Woodley looks like the latest stud elephant developed by the Steelers machine.

2) The Patriots are done. False
In 2001, the Patriots were coming off a 5-11 season when they lost their leading passer (Drew Bledsoe) and one of their leading tacklers (Ted Johnson) to injuries, and suspended their leading receiver (Terry Glenn). How soon everyone forgets. Coming off a 16-0 season and playing one of the weakest schedules in the NFL, it's not hard to see them making the playoffs. Take a look at their schedule and pick out six losses. At San Diego, at Indy, Pittsburgh, maybe a split with the Jets, and then? Denver? At Seattle? A split with Buffalo? And can you assume a loss at Indy or San Diego? They still look like a 10-6 team to me, at worse.

3) The Detroit Lions are the worst team in the NFL. True
The 2008 Detroit Lions look like Matt Millen's masterpiece. They've got two stud receivers and not another player who could start for more than 10 teams. The Falcons rushed for 318 yards yesterday after rushing for 1520 yards all of last season. Here's a stat for you: Matt Ryan hadn't had a game without an interception since 10/6/07 against Bowling Green! He threw a pick against Notre Dame last year! Two against Maryland! If you've got guys going against the Lions this year in fantasy, start them. Aaron Rodgers vs. Detroit or Peyton Manning vs. Jacksonville? Start Rodgers.

4) The Eagles are going back to the NFC Championship Game. False
The Eagles absolutely dismantled the Rams, and I am clearly a believer that they'll go to the playoffs, maybe even win a game. But there is just too much depth in the NFC this year. Carolina looks like they'll be in it all year, Dallas is still the favorite, and we still haven't had a look at Minnesota and Green Bay. Finally, I may have been very wrong about Chicago.

5) The Tennessee Titans are better off with Kerry Collins at QB. True
Vince Young reportedly tried to take himself out of the game yesterday, and "Fisher seemed to all but throw Young back onto the field." Young averaged 5 yards an attempt yesterday, Collins 32.5. The two starting quarterbacks in maybe the greatest bowl game of all time both look like busts entering their third season.

6) Matt Ryan will win Offensive Rookie of the Year. False
Matty Ice looked great against the ole defense employed by the Lions, but tougher days are ahead and quarterbacks rarely win the award - twice since 1971, although both times in the last four years. Matt Forte and Desean Jackson firmly established themselves as contenders, McFadden starts his career tonight, and Jonathan Stewart averaged over five yards a carry. I still feel OK about picking Stewart, but Matt Forte must look like this when he thinks about taking on the Lions defense twice this season.

How excited am I about the NFL season?

As excited as this guy.

Your 2008 NFL season predictions

You hear ESPN and NFL Network talking heads predicting no worse than a six-win season for any team, but of course it can't work out that way. Which is why I've predicted every NFL game this season to make sure these are plausible predictions. If you think any record seems unseemly, please check the schedules and tell me where the wins or losses are going to come from.

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 13-3
Philadelphia Eagles 12-4
Washington Redskins 8-8
New York Giants 6-10

NFC North
Minnesota Vikings 13-3
Green Bay Packers 12-4
Detroit Lions 5-11
Chicago Bears 2-14

NFC South
Carolina Panthers 10-6
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7
New Orleans Saints 6-10
Atlanta Falcons 2-14

NFC West
Seattle Seahawks 11-5
San Francisco 49ers 8-8
Arizona Cardinals 5-11
St. Louis Rams 3-13

AFC East
New England Patriots 14-2
New York Jets 8-8
Buffalo Bills 6-10
Miami Dolphins 5-11

AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7
Baltimore Ravens 6-10
Cleveland Browns 5-11
Cincinnati Bengals 2-14

AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars 13-3
Indianapolis Colts 12-4
Houston Texans 11-5
Tennessee Titans 11-5

AFC South
San Diego Chargers 12-4
Denver Broncos 9-7
Kansas City Chiefs 5-11
Oakland Raiders 3-13

NFC Playoff seeds
Minnesota Vikings 13-3 (12-0 in conference)
Dallas Cowboys 13-3 (9-3 in conference)
Seattle Seahawks 11-5
Carolina Panthers 10-6
Green Bay Packers 12-4 (9-3 in conference)
Philadelphia Eagles 12-4 (8-4 in conference)

AFC Playoff seeds
New England Patriots 14-2
Jacksonville Jaguars 13-3
San Diego Chargers 12-4
Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7
Indianapolis Colts 12-4
Houston Texans 11-5 (2-0 against the Titans)

Take a look a the gnarly AFC South. It was a fantastic division last year, and this year, as long as Manning is healthy, I can't see any of the teams taking much of a step back. The AFC North looks mediocre by their records, but their schedules are so absurdly hard. I don't know if any team could win more than 10 games playing the AFC South and the NFC North. Their might be some objections to the Giants going 6-10, but they've lost their two best players in Strahan and Umenyiora. The Jets take a step forward with the acquisition of Favre, but there's just too much depth in the AFC South.

Wild Card Weekend
Eagles over Seahawks, Packers over Panthers
Chargers over Texans, Colts over Steelers

Second round
Vikings over Eagles, Cowboys over Packers
Patriots over Colts, Jaguars over Chargers

Championship Games
Patriots over Jaguars, Cowboys over Vikings

Super Bowl
Patriots over Cowboys

Major Awards
Super Bowl MVP: Tom Brady
NFL MVP: Tom Brady
Defensive MVP: Jared Allen
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Jonathan Stewart
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Leodis McKelvin
Coach of the Year: Gary Kubiak

I picked the games week by week instead of going by each teams schedule so it was easier not to have different teams win the same game. Here's my picks for the entire season. A "1" denotes a win, and I used the Excel summation function for the tallies.

Arizona Cardinals					1				1	1		1		1				5	11
Atlanta Falcons										1							1	2	14
Baltimore Ravens			1				1	1			1		1	1				6	10
Buffalo Bills			1	1					1		1			1	1			6	10
Carolina Panthers		1		1	1	1	1	1			1	1		1	1			10	6
Chicago Bears						1			1									2	14
Cincinnati Bengals	1																1	2	14
Cleveland Browns				1		1			1	1						1		5	11
Dallas Cowboys	1	1	1	1	1	1	1	1				1	1	1	1	1		13	3
Denver Broncos	1	1	1	1					1		1	1		1		1		9	7
Detroit Lions	1				1			1				1				1		5	11
Green Bay Packers		1		1	1	1	1		1		1	1	1	1		1	1	12	4
Houston Texans		1	1			1	1			1	1	1	1		1	1	1	11	5
Indianapolis Colts	1	1			1	1		1	1	1		1	1	1	1	1		12	4
Jacksonville Jaguars	1	1	1	1	1	1		1	1	1		1		1	1		1	13	3
Kansas City Chiefs		1	1								1	1				1		5	11
Miami Dolphins		1						1			1				1		1	5	11
Minnesota Vikings	1		1		1	1	1		1	1	1		1	1	1	1	1	13	3
New England Patriots	1	1	1		1		1	1		1	1	1	1	1	1	1	1	14	2
New Orleans Saints		1		1		1								1	1		1	6	10
New York Giants	1		1				1		1					1		1		6	10
New York Jets	1		1	1		1	1	1		1			1					8	8
Oakland Raiders									1	1			1					3	13
Philadelphia Eagles	1		1	1	1	1		1		1	1	1	1		1		1	12	4
Pittsburgh Steelers	1	1		1			1	1			1	1			1		1	9	7
St. Louis Rams		1										1	1					3	13
San Diego Chargers	1			1	1	1	1	1		1			1	1	1	1	1	12	4
San Francisco 49ers	1		1					1			1		1	1		1	1	8	8
Seattle Seahawks	1	1	1		1				1	1	1	1			1	1	1	11	5
Tampa Bay Buccaneers	1	1	1		1		1		1				1		1		1	9	7
Tennessee Titans		1		1	1		1			1	1	1	1	1		1	1	11	5
Washington Redskins			1			1	1		1		1		1		1	1		8	8