Emmitt: His Rice of Passage

I just found this on WalterFootball.com - a comprehensive collection of Emmitt Smith greatest nuggets of wisdom. Previously, the most recognized collection of Emmitt quotes was featured on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. I copied all the quotes from them, but put my own commentary.

The Greatest Hits

1. "Don't worry about the game you just won or the team that we just blew out... uhhh... blown... blown out... Let's think about what we need to do going forward, and they had... blown out." (The gold standard. PFT takes credit for this; he actually had it right with blew.)
   
   
2. "Defensively, they're solid. They have solid defenses." (This would make sense if he was planning an attack on the Death Star and not talking about a football team.)
   
   
3. "You hear Andy Reid going online and say, Donovan McNabb is my starting quarterback."
   
   
4. "Now the Colts are probably playing with more confidence than they ever have played since they been with the Indianapolis Colts."
   
   
5. "They need to right the score to get revenge." (You either right the ship or even the score.)
   
   
6. "This will get you completely blowed out." (This was came before the gold standard; criticism for use of a non-word made him hesitant.)
   
   
7. "They did a good job flying around the football field and carousing the football carrier." (Meant to say corralling.)
   
   
8. "Brady will put up monster numbers because he can throw."
   
   
9. "You cannot change the stripes of a leopard."
   
   
10. "The hill represent another rushing title this year for the season. For others watching this thing who've worked out on hills, this is a opportunity to build strength within." (I can picture an 87 year old grandmother saying this.)
    
    
11. "...Go to Arizona, sharp as a whistle, and do some finishing touches, so we can go down in the Super Bowl and play our best football of the whole entire season."
    
    
12. "The strength of the Patriots, their offense, got... DEBACLED."
    
    
13. "That can be a swing their way eventually. I just hate to be the team that they winned it against."

Grammatical Errors

1. "Wade [Phillips] inherit this success."
   
   
2. "My game-breaker go to Brett Favre."
   
   
3. "And when defense felt my will, it was a total different game then."
   
   
4. "The Packers don't has a running game."
   
   
5. "This team have not played confident football in three weeks."
   
   
6. "He gets the ball over to their third read than most quarterback can."
   
   
7. "Mike Martz have this offense rollin"
   
   
8. "The Pittsburgh Steelers are not as good as everyone think they are."
   
   
9. "He deserve to be coach of the year."
   
   
10. "He's gonna be the guy Tom Brady look for on third downs."
    
    
11. "It takes a coach who know how to communicate."
    
    
12. "He turn around and go deep on Dre' Bly"
    
    
13. "Brett Favre went into Dallas nine times and have a big goose egg."
    
    
14. "I love those style of play that the Tennessee Titans bring to the game."
    
    
15. "Let's see if he step up big today and play great for the Chargers."
    
    
16. "That offense does... do look good." (Thisclose to noun/verb agreement.)
    
    
17. "He just need a runnin game to help him."
    
    
18. "Giants has too many guys in the secondary banged up."
    
    
19. "All those things messes with the mentality of your ball club."
    
    
20. "I'm concerned about a guy who fall down before get hits."

Factual Errors

1. "Wes Worker is a possession receiver that make things happen." (He's the leading receiver in the NFL. How can you take about football for a living and not know his name?)
   
   
2. "Norv Turner have a lot of experience in the playoff." (Beside mixing verb tense and leaving the s off of playoffs, Turner was 1-1 in the playoffs with one playoff berth in 10 seasons when this was said.)
   
   
3. "I like the Eagles based on what I saw on Monday night." (Said in reference to a Sunday Night game.)
   
   
4. "Tom Brady is buyin' time for his lineman." (This would be funny if he was talking about Brady buying his O line Rolexes but of course it's just Emmitt confusing the noun and subject again.)
   
   
5. "Let's not judge the Giants until we're in the bottom half of the season... The bottom half of the schedule get much tougher."
   
   
6. "Reggie Bush is definitely effective. Just not tonight." (Said after a game in which Reggie Bush didn't play.)
   
   
7. "The NFC West is probably one of the weakest... CONFERENCES... in the whole NFC. These guys over here, you have the Cardinals, you have the 49ers, you have the Seahawks, and you also have the Rams..."
   
   
8. "Alex has a lot of growing up to do, and it's hard to grow up when you are learning three different offenses every year." (This sentence is grammtically correct and only an exaggeration, but the 49ers offensive coordinators year by year since the drafted Alex Smith: Mike McCarthy, Norv Turner, Jim Hostler, and Mike Martz. Martz is the only one who dramatically chaged the offense.)
   
   
9. (On the Super Bowl) "The loss tonight... And the loss today is gonna hurt for a long time."
   
   
10. (Attempting to quote Jimmy V "Don't give up. Don't ever give up.") "Don't quit. Don't ever quit."
    
    
11. "He was coming through line to make a move and got blind sided by Al Wi... Al Wi... Al Jackson." (Al Wilson has been out of the league since 2006, and there is no Al Jackson in the league. This was referring to a Broncos linebacker, D.J. Williams if I remember correctly.)

Pouporri

1. "T.O. just do not draw the double team." (I thought he do - oh no it's happening to me!)
   
   
2. "The leadership definitely have to come from the leaders." (Besides the obvious, does this guy ever get do/does right?)
   
   
3. "You have new offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator."
   
   
4. "If it slip in Week 1, it slip in Week 8."
   
   
5. "The percentages for teams that go into score before the first half is pretty high that they wins the game." (Sounds a little like Gollum here.)
   
   
6. "The one thing that derail a team is a thing called the injury bugs."
   
   
7. "They're gearing up to stop the run. They put eight men in the box. Eight men... sometimes nine." (Here he sounds like a six year old.)
   
   
8. "You have to have the personality to match up with the Patriots." (He probably meant personnel, or was trying to channel Jules Winnfield.)
   
   
9. "A reason they don't want to repeat what they did last year, they don't want to look really bad down the stretch."
   
   
10. "And then he come back and throw another pass and he drop it." (In this sentence he was unable to correctly use three consecutive words.)
    
    
11. "I'm going with the Pats ... they are an all-around good ball club." (In this game the Patriots were favored by 22, one of the largest point spreads ever.)
    
    
12. "Not only does he have the NFC East record for touchdowns, but also the team record."
    
    
13. "Last year there was a lot of things the Colts had to address. They couldn't stop the run... and all those... that was one of the biggest things they had to address."
    
    
14. "The Giants secondary really have to be physical with this guy."
    
    
15. "They started 6-2. Now, they're 6-3." (This makes me want to hear Emmitt do play by play.)
    
    
16. "He has a chance to correct those things once he come back outside." (He was talking about Mike Vick.)
    
    
17. "As my offense get better, my defense is goin be that much more better."

Gibberish

1. "Wade Phillips have not had time to insert this." (That's what she said.)
   
   
2. "The Jets can only be disrespected by every team in the league."
   
   
3. "What else can you say about a defense that get together?"
   
   
4. "The way you perform make them feel about you different."
   
   
5. "This team need to get in their mind."
   
   
6. "They can ride Adrian Peterson into the doggone playoff." (This is actually close to a line from Friday Night Lights, but obviously not uttered by a character who is supposed to be smart.)
   
   
7. "That would definitely be a slowed down."
   
   
8. "Eli Manning has been given the rice of passage."
   
   
9. "He's giving them all the confidences they need... he giving them the confidence that he need."
   
   
10. "Detroit Lions had our numbers." (Those numbers are 0 and 16.)
    
    
11. "He's goin change how the front office even think."
    
    
12. "When you are the single or the lone ranger, so to speak." (Putting so to speak on the end of this makes it much funnier.)
    
    
13. "When he get over the Texas line, something crazy happens in his head."
    
    
14. "I think it's his self-confidence in himself that make him so confident when it get down into the crunch time." (He also said my hair makes me hairy.)
    
    
15. "They both can return kicks and punt return guys."
    
    
16. "Why doesn't... don't the defensive players put their hands on Randy Moss? Don't back back." (It's like he's allergic to getting do/does correct.)