Death Star Radio

Kissing Suzy Kolber, probably the most significant sports blog on blogspot, has a mildly amusing mock segment on the Tony Kornheiser Show. My favorite part is their Feinstein interview.

Tony: Who do we have on the phone next. Is it you, Junior?

John Feinstein: Hey, Tony. Hey, do you know if I left a pair of brown suede gloves at your house the other night?

Tony: Hmm. I don’t recall seeing them.

John Feinstein: I think I left them on the table in entranceway. They were very simple brown suede gloves. Did you see them?

Tony: Oh, I think I may have! How do you want (clears throat) to arrange for picking them up?

John Feinstein: Well, if you could simply leave them by the door, somewhat off to the side, perhaps obscured by a bush, that would be fabulous. Oh, and did your wife get the cassoulet recipe from my wife?

Tony: I believe she did.

John Feinstein: Great, great. Did you still need help moving that desk at your house?

Tony: Well, let me explain what happened with the desk. I, (clears throat) as you know, CANNOT fix anything.

(everyone in the studio laughs for no reason)

Tony: Can’t fix anything at all. Anyway, (clears throat) we have this lovely desk that my wife found at a consignment shop. Very gorgeous, hand-crafted. Anyway, we had to move it (clears throat) so that the contractors could install the toilet. So anyway…

(cut to 90 minutes later)

Tony: …so the desk can’t be moved. Are we still on the air? You know, (clears throat) I completely forgot we were talking to some sort of audience. Anything else you want to add, Junior?

John Feinstein: Buy my new book, “Living on the Black”. I know Coach K. George Bush is a prick. I have several extremely liberal viewpoints. Army-Navy is an unmatched tradition in sports. Random golf anecdote. I wish Georgetown would play in my charity basketball tourney, but John Thompson is a dick. Bob Knight is an asshole. We need to get rid of guns in this country. Did you know I write books for children too? I think Gary Williams is exasperated about something.

Tony: Okay, thank you, Junior!

John Feinstein: I really wish you’d stop calling me that. It’s fucking annoying.

Maybe this offseason they can pick up Bonds

Aubrey Huff gave the Orioles' PR staff heart attack while on Bubba the Love Sponge on Sirius Radio. He waxed poetic on his conquests ("I'd say between 2 and 300"), the lack of nightlife in Baltimore ("horsesh*t town"), how he spends mornings ("you wake up from a hangover about 1 o'clock"), and preparing for games ("All this studying? Honestly, you're gonna look at a piece of, a TV? And say this guy, this guy is going to throw me this way? No, he might throw you a different way! Who cares?").

Prior to the 2004 season the Orioles big signing was Rafael Palmeiro, who had his worst two seasons as a regular before wrecking the team by accusing Miguel Tejada of giving him steroids. In the 2004 offseason the Orioles traded for a washed up Sammy Sosa in an effort to add some buzz. Sosa had by far his worst season. Two years ago the Orioles big acquisition was Kris Benson. He had career lows or close to it in every category and had Tommy John surgery in the offseason. In that same offseason the Orioles big pickup was Huff, who set career lows in every category. Their other big signing was Denys Baez, who had career worst numbers and is already out for 2008. So the good news is the Orioles' streak of horrible personnel moves in intact.

I thought Mike Greenberg was supposed to be a journalist

Apparently a few days ago Mike Golic admitted to steroid use on the Mike & Mike Show on ESPN Radio, and Mike Greenberg quickly changed the subject, failing to ask any follow up questions.

Greenberg: You were a player in the National Football League for nine years.
Golic: Yep.
Greenberg: And you were clean. You didn't use steroids.
Golic: No, no. I did try steroids. For about six weeks in an off-season. Yeah. When I had blown my shoulder out. I actually didn't do it for six weeks. I did it for a few weeks and stopped because it had kind of a bad effect as I was lifting.
Greenberg: Okay. Let's say for the sake of this discussion you did not.

Maybe he should have asked about the bad effects, like any reasonable person might do. According to Profootballtalk, a caller today asked Golic about steroid use, slipping it in among Troy Williamson questions. Greenberg cut the caller off, going back to talking about Williamson. Just another example of the sorry state of ESPN's reporting.