Good work if you can get it

Leonard Shapiro wrote a piece sympathetic toward blowhard Joe Theismann, who can't comprehend why he was fired from Monday Night Football. Is it because, oh, I don't know, he's an idiot who is in love with the sound of his voice and brings nothing to the table. I'm thrilled that I'll only be subjected to Theismann four times this year for Redskins preseason games, where perhaps he'll cede to the far better commentator Sonny Jurgensen, if for no other reason than he too is an ex-NFL quarterback. New MNF analyst Ron Jaworski is sure to make less absurd statements, and then try to defend an untenable position, like this exchange between Tony Kornheiser and Theismann in the preseason last year, in the much criticized Kornheiser's 2nd or 3rd game (thanks to Profootballtalk):

Theismann: I think you need a guy who's short, vertically challenged, maybe 5'9", 5'10" with a lot of 'quicks' that can double as a kick returner. Those are the guys that can transition into professional football. To come in and just try and play the wide receiver position-

Kornheiser (incredulous): He has to be short?

Theismann: Well-

Kornheiser: This is a prerequisite, to be short?

Theismann: I think you need to be short and quick. I think that gives you an opportunity-

Kornheiser: What if you were big and quick?

Theismann: You don't have the 'quicks' when you're that tall.

Kornheiser: Correct me if I'm wrong because you watch a lot more college football than I did, wasn't there a quarterback recently from Arkansas who was the quarterback who then became a wide receiver in the NFL?

Tirico: Matt Jones.

Kornheiser: Matt Jones, right? And he's big. Big and quick.

Theismann: But not at the kick returning position.

Kornheiser: (Makes barely audible noise connoting "Is this guy f--king serious?")

Theismann: No.

Tirico (wisely changing the subject): It's 48 to 17. . . .

1 seeds: Mike Tyson, Brian Bosworth, Doc Gooden, and Eric Lindros

I was alerted by my dad to a hilarious piece on the satirical website theheckler.com on ESPN's follow up to ESPN Now, ESPN Then, featuring matchups such as Penny Hardaway versus Grant Hill as judged by stars such as Corey Feldmen and Joey Lawrence.

Jack and the Beanpole

Anyone who's ever collected sports cards had one friend in elementary school or junior high who could be counted on to trade way too much for too little. Maybe borderline retarded, maybe they just didn't care, but they'd trade Joe Montana, Randall Cunningham, and Jim Kelly rookies for a $3 Shaq Wooden Winner card, at least in my case. But I always wondered, what would happen when two of these unshrewd negotiators got together and traded a cow for a cow instead of for magic beans.

Look to yesterday's blockbuster deal between the Timberwolves' Kevin McHale and the Celtics' Danny Ainge. Boston will trade away an eight figure expiring contract, three good young players, two first round picks, and only one legitimate headcase for one of the top five players in the world in the form of Kevin Garnett. Wow, I don't know what to make of this deal. On one hand, Boston has the best threesome in the league with KG, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen, and maybe the best since Jordan, Pippen, and Rodman. On the other hand, just a few months ago Boston was in rebuilding mode, hoping for the right combination of ping pong balls, and now they think they're contenders? But this definitely makes the Ray Allen trade look less laughable.

I definitely like the move for Minnesota. They got the triple crown: expiring contracts, young players, and draft picks. The rumored deals during the draft were for Atlanta's two lottery picks or possibly Amare Stoudemire. You're never going to get equal value for a guy like Garnett, but I can't imagine a more attractive package for a rebuilding team.

Head turner

Warner released their first movie poster for Watchmen. Drawn by Dave Gibbons, the artist of the Watchmen comic, specifically for Comic-Con 07, it's got the release date in the bottom right and depicts the catalyst for what happens in the comic. Firstshowing.net had an excellent piece on the all things Watchmen at Comic-Con, but I found that Stephen McHattie was added to the cast, presumably as the original Night Owl, from IGN.com. CHUD had the best Snyder interview I've seen yet.

I also checked out the official website of the movie, which points out that Watchmen is the only comic to win the Hugo Award (given to best sci-fi or fantasy work) or to be named Time magazine's "100 Best English Language Novels from 1923 to the Present." (they are sorted alphabetically, but the readers ranked Watchmen 5th; they also made a list of best graphic novels)

Bill Walsh passes away

Three time Super Bowl winning coach Bill Walsh passed away today at the age of 75. Some people regard Vince Lombardi, George Halas, Paul Brown, or Chuck Noll the greatest coach of all time, but none had the impact on the modern passing game that Bill Walsh had, with the popularization of the West Coast Offense. Centered around short, quick, accurate passes, the passing game became diagonal as opposed to vertical. Explosive plays did not suffer because the goal was to get the ball to the receiver where he had some momentum to run after the catch. Joe Montana and Steve Young, the two QBs Walsh had for most of his career, have the two highest passer ratings for retired quarterbacks. Arguably the biggest innovation to the passing game since Knute Rockne employed the forward pass, the West Coast Offense is visible on basically every team over the last decade except last year's Raiders.

My top 10 TV stars of all time

Here's a random list I came up with. The main criteria is that you have to act, leaving off hosts such as Johnny Carson, Oprah Winfrey, and Rod Serling, and reality TV personalities. If you starred in multiple television shows it's a huge bonus, and longevity is key.
1. Michael J. Fox (Family Ties, Spin City)
2. Lucille Ball (I Love Lucy)
3. Andy Griffith (The Andy Griffith Show, Matlock)
4. Bill Cosby (The Cosby Show, I Spy, Electric Company)
5. Will Shatner (Star Trek, Boston Legal/The Practice, T.J. Hooker)
6. Carroll O' Connor (All in the Family, In the Heat of the Night)
7. Ted Danson (Cheers, Becker)
8. David Hasselhoff (Knight Rider, Baywatch)
9. Jackie Gleason (The Honeymooners)
10. Angela Lansbury (Murder, She Wrote)

Ensberg justifies the means

Morgan Ensberg was designated for assignment yesterday by the Astros, essentially ending his six year tenure with the team. Some people remember Ensberg for clubbing 25 homers in only 385 at bats in 2003 or finishing 4th in MVP voting in 2005, but I always think of the bizarre Sportscenter feature where he and four other minor leaguers were allegedly robbed at gunpoint at their hotel in 2000. I say allegedly because the robbers said in the feature that the players called them to buy drugs, and things just went south. The whole story didn't pass my smell test: robbers going hotel room to hotel room, and they start at the room with five privileged athletes hanging out with a groupie, one of the guys jumped off the second floor and the other spent three years in a coma. A drug deal gone south sounds much more likely to me, but I'm not on Kissimmee, FL jury. Well, both of the robbers were sentenced to life in prison, so Ensberg could look at them and think "it could be worse."