Mediocrity is mine!

As if Bills fans haven't suffered enough, the Bills play a home game tonight in Toronto, a city far too clean to be American. Ralph Wilson has done some positive things to keep the team in upstate New York over the years, but playing footsie with Toronto sets him up to be the next Modell. Or Stewie, with whom the resemblance is unmistakable.

The NFL is on the air tonight. Oh lord.

Now that the NFL preseason has begun and the regular season is just around the corner, I find myself able to think about little else. In fact, I've been replacing the lyrics to songs that I hear with lyrics that more accurately describe my excitement.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

When you told me they don't count, I got a season pass.
I know I've got laundry to do, but I just can't get off of my ass.
But I know the reason why - nothings on
Except for season three of Mad Men
I don't even mind Campbell, even though he's an asshole
When oh when is it on again?

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

Well I remember
I remember, Tom Brady
How I could ever forget?
it was the first time, the last time, his ligament snapped.
But I know the reason why you're staying up
past 2:00 to watch this crap
to see if he's healthy
to help you in fantasy
It's a good thing I took a nap.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

I want something to watch on TV tonight, oh lord.
I can't watch The Dark Knight - yet again - tonight, oh lord.
I'm watching my fifteenth preseason game tonight, oh lord, oh lord.

Something else to tide you over until the draft

Friendly reminder to fill out your brackets

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

An ARod Haiku

I love you ARod
You are truly beautiful
Sincerely, ARod

Do not try to rape a bouncer's 68 year old mother

If I was told by a 6'5", 299 lb bouncer that I was going to die tonight, I think I might just shit myself. OK I would shit myself. I mean, just reading the story made me pee a little bit.

Andre Smith paddles backward

Alabama's pro day was yesterday, and Andre Smith continues to not do himself any favors. Since December, he's been suspended for the Sugar Bowl, abruptly left the NFL Combine without telling anyone, and failed to put up any numbers at his pro day that would register close to the top 10 among offensive linemen at the combine. But on the bright side, as Smith is quick to point out, he does have a fabulous smile.

By the way, I am referring to to the similarity between Smith's man-boobs to paddles from a paddle boat by the title of this post, if it were a tad too subtle for you. (See more flopping than Vlade Divac and Jamaican short distance runners combined at 2:34.) Boom, roasted.