Friday, August 31, 2007
New England Patriots (1 seed)
New York Jets
Baltimore Ravens (2 seed)
Jacksonville Jaguars (4 seed)
Indianapolis Colts (WC 1)
Tennessee Titans (WC 2)
San Diego Chargers (3 seed)
Kansas City Chiefs
Colts beat Jaguars, Chargers beat Titans
Ravens beat Chargers, Patriots beat Colts
Patriots beat Ravens
Dallas Cowboys (1 seed)
Philadelphia Eagles (WC 1)
New York Giants
Chicago Bears (2 seed)
Green Bay Packers
Carolina Panthers (4 seed)
New Orleans Saints (WC 2)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
San Francisco 49ers (3 seed)
St. Louis Rams
49ers beat Saints, Panthers beat Eagles
Cowboys beat Panthers, 49ers beat Bears
Cowboys beat 49ers
Super Bowl XLII: Patriots beat Cowboys
MVP, Offensive MVP, Super Bowl MVP: Tom Brady
Defensive MVP: Shawn Merriman
Offensive ROY: Marshawn Lynch
Defensive ROY: Patrick Willis
Coach of the Year: Mike Nolan
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Year after year football fans anticipate the opening weekend of the NFL like a kid waiting for Christmas, but the opening game of the college football season tends to sneak up on you. Well, two teams will line up tonight to play a game that counts not a moment too soon.
The Raiders were pretty much locked into the #1 overall pick two weeks into the season, and were able to negotiate with Russell months before the draft and he'll likely hold out into the season. Just another indication that the Raiders shouldn't be taken seriously as an NFL franchise.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
NFL players are getting into trouble in new and exotic ways: financing a dog fighting ring, leaving a $350,000 Lamborghini wrapped around a light pole, making it rain, and, my favorite, getting busy in a stairwell. No wonder Marinovich couldn't make it in the NFL; skateboarding on the boardwalk on meth? That shit might fly in the Arena League but that is way too tame for the NFL. Maybe if it was a hover skateboard or if he was naked or something.
1. The Luckiest Guy in the World
I’m going to tell you a story you’ve never heard before, because no one knows this story the way I know it. It takes place on the night of June 12, 1994, and it concerns the murder of my ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her young friend, Ronald Goldman. I want you to forget everything you think you know about that night, because I know the facts better than anyone. I know the players. I’ve seen the evidence. I’ve heard the theories. And of course I’ve read all the stories: That I did it. That I did it but I don’t know I did it. That I can no longer tell fact from fiction. That I wake up in the middle of the night, consumed by guilt, screaming.
Man, they even had me wondering, What if I did it?
Well, sit back, people. The things I know, and the things I believe, you can’t even imagine. And I’m going to share them with you. Because the story you know, or think you know -- that’s not the story. Not even close. This is one story the whole world got wrong.
EXCERPT OF MURDER DESCRIPTION:
I could hear Charlie just behind me, saying something, urging me to get the fuck out of there, and at one point he even reached for me and tried to drag me away, but I shook him off, hard, and moved toward Goldman. “Okay, motherfucker!” I said. “Show me how tough you are!”
Then something went horribly wrong, and I know what happened, but I can’t tell you exactly how. I was still standing in Nicole’s courtyard, of course, but for a few moments I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there, when I’d arrived, or even why I was there. Then it came back to me, very slowly: The recital -- with little Sydney up on stage, dancing her little heart out; me, chipping balls into my neighbor’s yard; Paula, angry, not answering her phone; Charlie, stopping by the house to tell me some more ugly shit about Nicole’s behavior. Then what? The short, quick drive from Rockingham to the Bundy condo.
And now? Now I was standing in Nicole’s courtyard, in the dark, listening to the loud, rhythmic, accelerated beating of my own heart. I put my left hand to my heart and my shirt felt strangely wet. I looked down at myself. For several moments, I couldn’t get my mind around what I was seeing. The whole front of me was covered in blood, but it didn’t compute. Is this really blood? I wondered. And whose blood is it? Is it mine? Am I hurt?
I was more confused than ever. What the hell had happened here? Then I remembered that Goldman guy coming through the back gate, with Juditha’s glasses, and I remembered hollering at him, and I remembered how our shouts had brought Nicole to the door . . .
I looked down and saw her on the ground in front of me, curled up in a fetal position at the base of the stairs, not moving. Goldman was only a few feet away, slumped against the bars of the fence. He wasn’t moving either. Both he and Nicole were lying in giant pools of blood. I had never seen so much blood in my life. It didn’t seem real, and none of it computed. What the fuck happened here? Who had done this? And why? And where the fuck was I when this shit went down?
EXCERPT OF A FIGHT SIMPSON HAD WITH NICOLE:
Nicole came out of the house and watched me for a few moments, still angry, glaring, and I crossed into the driveway, sat on the hood of her convertible Mercedes, and glared right back. I still had the bat in my hand, and I remember flipping it into the air and accidentally hitting one of the rims.
“You going to pay for that?” she snapped.
“Yeah,” I snapped back, then took the bat and whacked the hood. “And I guess I’ll pay for that, too, since it’s my car—and since I pay for everything around here.”
She shook her head, disgusted with me, and went into the house, and I wandered back into the yard and took a few more swings at the tether ball. It was crazy. It seemed all we did lately was argue. People say a lot of marriages get into trouble at the seven-year mark, and we weren’t married, but we’d been together seven years, and maybe that was the problem.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Mr. Lampard is to be addressed as "Mr. Lampard" at all times, including in the match day programme, by the match announcer and by all other players, including on the pitch, with the exception of Mr. John Terry. In addition: The match day announcer is to read Mr. Lampard's name in a louder and more enthusiastic voice than the other players, with the exception of Mr. Terry.
Employees of Chelsea Football Club, including the playing staff, are not to make eye contact with Mr. Lampard in the dressing room or on the field of play, even when celebrating goals or congratulating Mr. Lampard on his exceptional play, with the exception of Mr. John Terry.
Upon scoring a goal, Mr. Lampard is to be unmolested by fellow players for at least five ("5") seconds, in order to perform a celebration as he deems appropriate. When the rest of the team then embraces him, they may not touch him below the waist.
Mr. Lampard is to be provided with a separate dressing and changing area both at Stamford Bridge and away grounds, of four-star hotel quality or better. The lavatory seat is to be new and sealed.
Mr. Lampard's dressing room is to be painted white or off-white and decorated with two ("2") vases of white lilies and a baby grand paino (white or off-white).
Here are two pages (one and two) of this supposed proposed contract, but 100% Injury Rate points out that this might be satire.
VICK agrees and stipulates that these dogs all died as a result of the collective efforts of PEACE, PHILLIPS, and VICK.
I'd love to tell you we were through talking about Vick for the next year or two, but once he serves that, Virginia will come after him for animal cruelty with a 20 year maximum sentence. If that goes to trial it will be an even bigger media circus that this, and could go on for years and not months.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Maybe this is just another way they're going after Vick. Put the bill in the pipeline now, and when he gets out of jail in a year or two, after he's been out of the loop, slap him with a $50 fine for wearing parachute pants.
Movie Gallery, whose shares have fallen from $5.29 in January to $.30 in mid-day trading today (Wednesday) may see its shares falling right off the NASDAQ list. The company said Tuesday that it had received notices from NASDAQ that its stock has dropped below the $1-per-share minimum over a 30-day period that is required to maintain a listing on the stock exchange. Movie Gallery -- the second-largest movie renter behind Blockbuster -- has recently been unable to make payments on its debt, largely incurred as a result of its recent acquisition of the Hollywood Video chain and last week extended until August 27 a forbearance agreement with lenders.
It's a shame, but they could never match Blockbuster so in a way maybe it was inevitable. Netflix, of course, has replaced Hollywood Video as Blockbuster's competitor.
I caught the bottom of the 9th in the second game, when it was 9-7 Rangers. It honestly looked like there were less people in the stands than runs scored by the Rangers. And what I don't understand is how Texas can score 39 runs and Michael Young, their only player on my fantasy team, only drives in one. And this was hours after the team announced Dave Trembley would return next year; I wonder what his return policy is? The next time an Orioles player wonders why there are more Red Sox fans at his home games, I say a season ticket holder gets to shit in his locker. It could be like a seat upgrade for toilets. This could be a weekly promotion, call it Najeh Davenport Day.
MORE ALL-SEINFELD ENTRIES ARE UP
We took a little break from the All-Seinfeld thing, but the entries kept on coming.
Nearly 30 more new ones are right here.
The funniest one? Curtis Enis as Delores.
He doesn't mention me by name, but of course it's mine, sent in August 13th.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
The car belonged to Michael Vick’s cousin Davon Boddie. The car contained three ounces of marijuana. And once Troy sniffed out the car, police launched their own drug probe five days later at Boddie’s address -- the now-infamous 1915 Moonlight Road.Goodfellas) as they open it, maybe when they search Vick's property they find Troy's father on his death bed, taken from a life of public service and forced into a life of dogfighting. Troy swears vengeance on Vick, gets a laser sighted sniper rifle to take him out at the draft, and his father speaks to him from beyond the grave: "Not our way, son." He closes his eyes and squeezes the trigger, killing Brady Quinn's girlfriend adding even more drama to his slide into the 20s. Now that's some damn fine television.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
This kicked of a rash of injuries this weekend that devastated the Broncos, losing Ebeneker Ekuban for the season with a ruptured Achilles', Travis Henry for some length of time with a sprained MCL, and Mike Bell for at least the preseason with a hip injury, and the Giants, losing five players to injury last night including their starting running back getting stepped on on the sidelines. I went to the Ravens game last night and it was difficult to enjoy when there were starters or key backups on the field. The most important score at the end of the game is the butcher's bill.
Friday, August 17, 2007
A top five pick, the way the salary structure is currently constituted, is a hindrance and not an asset. Teams like the Lions with legitimate offers to trade down are foolish not to pull the trigger.
The only time Gilbert thought twice about Donaghy was after a game at Denver last December 18. The was the night after Gilbert dropped 60 in a win over the Lakers in Los Angeles. The thing I remember about that night was speaking with Gilbert before the game and him commenting that he didn't think he'd be getting any calls after going to the free throw line 27 times the night before.
As you may remember, both Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant made a point of discussing Gil's free throw attempts when asked about his historic 60. It was Gil's belief that their quotes along with the box score from that game would influence the refs working the Wiz/Nuggets game.
The Nuggets played without Carmelo Anthony and JR Smith that night and the Wizards went into the game favored by three. The over/under was 212.5. The Wiz came out sluggish and Denver built a 30-point second quarter lead but the Wiz made a big second half run and drew within 93-91 with 5:36 to play. [At this point the teams are on pace to score a combined 208 points, just below the over/under]
While Arenas didn't attempt a single free throw that night (he did throw up 12 three-point attempts), the Nuggets went to the line 28 times in the fourth quarter alone and iced a 117-108 win. [Comfortably above the over/under] According to the game's play by play at www.nba.com, 21 of Denver's fourth quarter free throw attempts came AFTER the Wiz cut the lead to 93-91. Interesting. Donaghy worked that game along with Leroy Richardson and Derrick Stafford.
"We were making a comeback but then they just started calling fouls and sending them to the line," Arenas said. "I was like, OK, I guess we ain't winning this game. Other than that game, I never really thought about the guy. He was just another ref to me. Then again, if he was cheating, he probably would try to blend in as much as possible."
"I've had my share of fun with these types. I've flown beautiful women with agendas to big games... I've wined and dined them at the fanciest restaurants knowing I could've shared my bed with three at a time... They hang in packs like vultures... posed with breasts spilling out of their shirts... In the end, I know these women can never fulfill a need beyond my libido."
I agree with ESPNs Bill Simmons where he says if you can pass for a professional athlete, you should go to the NBA All-Star Game/Super Bowl/whatever event and try to pass yourself off as one.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
His All-Future team has some curious members, though. Joe Thomas over Jamaal Brown is absurd; the Browns will be thrilled if Thomas ever reaches the level Brown played at last year. Marcus McNeil was a rookie Pro Bowler last year as well. Jarvis Moss over any number of young linemen is typical of the media fawning over the Broncos and Mike Shanahan. I'll try to come up with an All-Future Team in the near future.
In a related note, I've reported Peyton Manning to Homeland Security due to the acquisition of his laser, rocket arm from North Korea.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Vince Young was suspended by the Titans for Saturday's game, reportedly for sleeping at home instead of the team hotel. Smart move by Fisher: he sends a message to the team to start the post-Pacman era and keeps Vince Young away from the possibility of injury for another week. So the Redskins shouldn't read too much into holding the shorthanded Titans without a TD. Lat year, their Al Saunders offense showed nada in the preseason, and it looks like that will be the case again this year. Jason Campbell continues to show a live arm and excellent pocket awareness. Filling in for the massively overpaid Derrick Dockery, LG Todd Wade looked like a complete matador. Betts looked like he's ready to build on his breakout campaign; he's every bit the player that Portis is at 35 cents on the dollar. Think they don't want that trade back? Best defensive player in the NFL and a 2nd rounder for an above average back? It could be worse: Portis could have a beer belly like Lendale White, who looked like the worst conditioned athlete in the NFL.
The Bengals offense looks to pick up where they left off last season against Detroit, but their backup running backs are like drummers from Spinal Tap. Kenny Irons will miss the season, and Chris Perry will miss at least the first six weeks. Taking into account the Chris Henry suspension and the loss of Eric Steinbach in free agency, they have zero depth on offense. They're one significant injury away from being 8-8 for the fourth time in five years. The Lions, on the other hand, looked like team with a lot of depth on offense. With Mike Furrey, the league leader in catches last year, in the slot, and Tatum Bell in the fold with Kevin Jones and T.J. Duckett, OC Mike Martz has as many weapons to work with as he had in St. Louis. You just know this team is deeply flawed somewhere because Matt Millen put it together, but they have more talent at the skill positions than any team in the NFL, Colts and Patriots included.
The Colts are going to have an adjustment period on defense with five new starters, but they're known for not showing anything in the preseason: they're 1-8 the last two exhibition seasons. Still, Cowboys fans have got to be happy about seeing Romo go 10 out of 11. Both their backs looked sharp and you've got to love their pass rush. They have to be included among the top three of four favorites in the NFC.
Can the same be said about the Saints? It continues to look like they won't be able to stop anybody through the air with maybe the worst secondary in the NFL, but their offense might actually be improved. Robert Meachem looks like a keeper in the slot, even at 80% right now coming off the knee injury. Speaking of which, this is Deuce McAllister's second year since blowing out his ligaments, so he should be 100% this year. The Bills played it close to the vest on offense, but their O-line needs to block better if they want to be in the wild card hunt.
The Patriots could have new faces as their top four wide receivers this year, which may have never been done before. It will be interesting to see if the lack of familiarity manifests itself, because this team looks close to perfect. The Buccaneers Cadillac Williams has fallen so far off the map announcers are calling him Carnell. Don't be surprised in Jeff Garcia turns back into a pumpkin this year; a lot of weak armed rollout passers can look good on the Eagles.
The Bears look the same as last year, except with a little more explosiveness at tight end with Greg Olsen and less depth as RB with the Thomas Jones trade. Cedric Benson looks fine, as long as his teammates don't miss blocks on purpose as had been reported last year. Maybe I'm reading too much into Benson's performance against the Texans, but they've used four straight 1st round picks on D-linemen. Ahman Green was a horrible free agent signing. Owner Bud Adams praised Green's experience during the broadcast, but that's a negative at running back.
The Seahawks don't look like they'll be missing Darrell Jackson too much. Deion Branch looks entrenched as the number one WR, and shouldn't have the butterfingers that Hasselbeck is used to after years of a Jackson led receiving corps leading the NFL in drops. The Chargers LaDainian Tomlinson has the preseason figured out; I don't know if he's ever played.
Why in the hell are the Jets playing Brad Smith 2nd string when they have so much more invested in Kellen Clemens? Clemens looked spectacular, but Smith looked like a Slash type. It's extremely unlikely that Pennington starts 16 games, so this is great news for the Jets. The Falcons look like a team that could challenge for a wild card spot, IF they don't suffer a single injury on an incredibly shallow roster, Dunn doesn't suffer a setback, and 7-9 gets you into the playoffs. Chris Redman is their backup QB! He hasn't been on a roster since 2003!
The Vikings look like they deepest of sleeper teams. You know they're going to bring the D, and you know they'll be able to run the ball, so if Tarvaris Jackson can be as efficient as he was Friday, they'll be among the most improved teams in the league. It looks like the Rams will be using Brian Leonard creatively: H back, from the slot, blocking back, lined out wide, etc. He looks like a great pick, and it's refreshing to see something less vanilla in the preseason.
The Chiefs and Browns looked like potentially the two worst teams in the NFL. If the Chiefs would have stuck with Damon Huard last year, maybe they wouldn't look as crappy as they do now. Among the league leaders in passing efficiency last year, now Brodie Croyle is atop the depth chart without earning it? What type of message does that send to the team? And the Browns has their horrible QBs alternate series. Very amateurish. Joe Thomas looked like a mauler in the running game but looked mechanical as a pass blocker.
Friday, August 10, 2007
"Maybe the joke might be on Pacman,'' Petraski said. "Because Jeff knew us and he knew Tom and maybe he is saying, 'Hey, this guy is a clown, let's get him in here and hurt him.'"
If Pacman suffers a serious injury, millions of NFL and strip club fans will have to rethink their positions on religion.
Girlsgonesports is reporting Jessica Alba has a Valtrex prescription, thanks to her relationship with Yankees swordsman Derek Jeter. So, as you can tell from this chart from Holycandy, Jeter could be responsible for giving every hot girl on the face of the earth herpes, single handedly preventing the Oakland A's from being the one team to win a World Series without a top 20 payroll, making it impossible for ARod to coexist with him in New York, and the war in Iraq.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
4. Can you sign this lettuce for me? Peyton Manning and the Colts were the bug while Tom Brady and the Patriots were the windshield until last year, when Reche Caldwell, with eyes halfway out of his head, dropped a series of potentially huge passes, possibly brought on by the postseason return of Colts hard hitting safety Bob Sanders. Now the Colts look to repeat with their starting defensive tackles, corners, left tackle, and leading tackler gone with no replacements except for mid-round draft picks. At least they have the two highest paid players in the NFL in the form of Manning and Dwight Freeney.
3. Just how valuable was Vick? Even before he was linked to dog fighting, Michael Vick was an easy target despite turning around the Falcons and leading them to the NFC Championship game in his first full season and setting the quarterback rushing record last year. If Atlanta goes 2-14 with Joey Harrington at QB as Vick stares down the barrel of a three year bid, will we look back at the wasted potential of Vick as the most spectacular of cautionary tales.
2. Norv gets the keys to the Ferrari. By any measuring stick imaginable Norv Turner as had an inauspicious coaching career, with one playoff appearance in nine seasons. But that was with teams assembled by Dan Snyder and Al Davis. Now he takes the reigns of the talented Chargers where he will actually be expected to win in the regular season and the playoffs, where predecessor Marty Schottenheimer averaged 12 wins over the last three seasons but failed to win a playoff game in five seasons in San Diego.
1. The Odd Couple. When your dapper QB who took less money to stay in New England bemoans the team's lack of a deep threat, and the more dangerous deep threat ever is available for pennies on the dollar, it's normally a match made in heaven. But Randy Moss likes to take plays, games, and in the case of last year, entire seasons off, while the Patriots are as blue collar as they come.
Also on this evening, Pacman Jones' debut on TNA Wrestling, on SpikeTV. Warning for those sitting in the first three rows: you may get shot.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
- Jerry Seinfeld = Roger Goodell. Both call all the shots in their circle.
- George Constanza = Daniel Snyder. Both huge neurotics.
- Cosmo Cramer = Gene Upshaw. Both seem a little crazy and live fantastic lives without much ability.
- Elaine Benes = Suzi Kolber. They both seem to be kind of easy, comfortable hanging out with the boys.
- Newman = Carl Poston. I can picture him walking into a GM's office, and the GM saying "Hello, Poston!"
- Uncle Leo = Art Modell. Hanging out on the sidelines of training camp, talking to whoever will listen.
- Mr. Pitt = Ralph Wilson (Bills owner). Humorless rich old man.
- Babu Bhatt = Tony Dungy. You're a bad man T.O. for showing flesh on TV before MNF, very bad man
- George Steinbrenner = Drew Rosenhaus. The cadence of their monologues are very similar.
- Kenny Bania = Joe Theismann. Neither can shut up.
- Jackie Childs = Herman Edwards. They look and speak alike.
- Crazy Joe Davola = Joey Porter. Both will walk up and sucker punch you.
- Mike Moffit (phony) = Pacman Jones. One takes a parking spot way too seriously, the other take strip clubs way too seriously, both lie to the big guy.
- Mickey Abbott (little person) = Bill Polian. Both have Napoleon complexes.
- The Drake = Peyton Manning. Everyone loves the Peyton.
- Dr. Whatley (anti-dentite) = Tony Kornheiser. Took MNF job just for the jokes.
- Katie (the indecisive agent played by Debra Jo Rupp from That 70s Show) = Joe Segal. Can't take a shit unless it's slotted.
- Sally Weaver (Kathy Griffin) = T.O. Her Jerry routine was very similar to T.O.'s Garcia routine. They both implied that they were gay.
- Sue Ellen Mischke (chocolate heir) = Heather Kozar. Playmate of the Year's hotness caused feud between Tim Couch and Cade McNown, Mischke walking around in a bra hurt Jackie Child's trial.
- Izzy Mandlebaum (Lloyd Bridges) = Mike Ditka. The only NFL personality that I can picture saying "Do you think you're better than me? Watch me lift this radiator above my head!"
- Izzy, Sr. = Al Davis. An older, more stubborn Ditka.
The crowd erupted as the Hammer basically said congratulations for breaking my record, you've hit more home runs than anyone, and that includes a lot of guys who were really good at hitting home runs. It was respectful, it didn't mention the cloud of suspicion, it wasn't meant to take the spotlight away from Barry, and when we look back on the soundbite years from now nothing will come across as ironic with the backdrop of the steroid era.
Me: I used to get the NFL Network but now I don't since it was placed on a more expensive tier of channels. (I've never paid for the NFL Network on principle, I'm B.S.ing)
Comcast: Yes, as part of out sports entertainment package for $5 a month you can get the NFL Network, NBATV, [and seven other channels].
Me: But I understand there's some promotion where you can get the NFL Network for free. (Fingers crossed)
Comcast: Well, that promotion expired but there is one going on right now where you can pay $1.99 [total] for the NFL Network for a year.
Me: Does this lock you in for a year? (My lease expires soon and I'm not sure if I'll be there in two months) Or do you pay $2 a month for up to a year?
Comcast: No, you pay $1.99 and then you have the NFL Network for a year.
Me: (Tiger Woods fist pump) I'd like to sign up for that, please.
So I've finally got the NFL Network, where I can go to sleep to the dulcet tones of Adam Schefter. I order pizza like this as well if I don't have a coupon: I call the place and ask if they have a ludicrous offer, and they usually respond that I must be thinking of their best offer at that time.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
I'm as big a sports fan as there is, but I don't understand the reverence being thrown around now just when someone reaches a milestone. Tom Glavine has been as reliable a pitcher in the regular and post seasons as anyone over the last 15 years, yet he's only now reached greatness because his win total reached 300? This is madness! It's the same in the case of Michael Vick: he's the devil incarnate because he's facing federal charges, but after the feds raided his house and reports surfaced of Ookie being a giant in the dog fighting community he was just another wayward athlete?
With Bonds this trend is particularly troubling, because celebrating the home run record could send the message to little leaguers that steroids can lead to wealth and fame. There are people lined up on Baseball Tonight and on Fox Sports that don't think steroids should be mentioned in Giants broadcasts right now, the same people that vilified Jim Gray for asking Pete Rose some hard questions as he was announced as part of MLB's All-Century Team. Why doesn't anyone want to actually report on sports instead of act as cheerleaders? The answer is obvious: since ESPN and Fox Sports broadcast MLB games, they to lose more than they stand to gain by being critical of a product that they help distribute. Ever since ESPN took Playmakers off the air it's been downhill for sports media. It's like media channels can't wait to sell out.
Monday, August 6, 2007
A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack."Apparently this was similar to a comedy routine by Ian Edwards, and he was very mildly criticized on PTI for stealing the bit for his blog. So Arenas shot back.
The joke was worth about $7 when I heard it, now that I’ve used it’s probably worth a little bit more. I’ll sell it back to him for $7.78. Seventy-eight cents, Ian, you can put that in a royalties check made out to me.
He can't come back on the air fast enough, this lack of quality sportstalk radio is killing me. Colin Cowherd, John Seibel, Steve Czaban, and Doug Gottlieb lack Patrick's sense of humor and ability to transition. Patrick recently sat down to do an interview where he revealed his final guest, "a man who I think provided the template of how to be a broadcaster in my opinion. I have great admiration for his command of the English language, other languages and his on-camera presence... Ron Burgundy."
I have been relegated to watching baseball games and stale sitcoms since David Stern took any chance the Suns had of maintaining home court against the Spurs, and right now I would watch a professional football game between the residents of two retirement communities right now over watching another San Francisco Giants game or Family Guy. But I did learn one lesson about baseball this summer: the difference in production value of broadcasts varies greatly from team to team. Yankees, Red Sox, and Dodgers games are broadcast in HD, feature sideline reporters who can report on injuries, and bring legitimate stars into the booth: in the last month new Celtics Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett have sat in the NESN booth for an inning or two a piece.
Watching the Redskins/Ravens scrimmage Saturday on MASN, I wasn't blown away in terms of production value, but I wasn't disappointed either. I've watched intrasquad scrimmages of Green Bay Packers, the NFL team in the smallest market with the poorest ownership, and it was similarly produced. NFL preseason games are normally shown on the NFL network with the broadcast team of one side in the first half, and the opposing team's broadcast in the second. I defy viewers to notice a difference in production value.
In MLB, if you're a fan of the Royals, or Marlins, or Pirates, all of whom have won the World Series, in terms of television and radio coverage it feels like the minor leagues when compared to the Yankees or Red Sox. Of course, those teams' payrolls are between 10%-25% of the payrolls of the Yankees and Red Sox. In the NFL, Saints or Packers broadcasts are as professional as Giants or Jets broadcasts. For the most part, every NFL teams' payroll is approximately the same. This is a big reason why fans of teams in every market can be excited about the regular season (because their teams have a legitimate chance to win the Super Bowl) and the offseason. (because their teams have a chance to sign marquee free agents)
Friday, August 3, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
"I'd love to be there competing for the starting job," said Quinn, who has missed the first four days of camp. "But it's a long contract, and I have to make sure it's fair in the event I become the starter." When Tom Brady, the 199th pick of the 2000 Draft, signed his deal, I don't think he had such concerns. The difference is that Quinn, a 1st round pick, is expected to earn the starting job at some point; that's why he was a 1st rounder. If the team hoped that he would maybe, eventually he could be in a competition for the starting job, he would have been a fifth rounder like Heisman trophy winner Troy Smith. Rex Grossman, the 22nd pick (same as Quinn) in 2003, signed a market value contract and started every game for a Super Bowl team. And say what you will about Grossman, but he's never bitched about his contract.
Another reason to be down on Quinn: he was at an autograph signing at a Cleveland mall, fees ranged from $75 to $225. In my younger days I paid for a few autographs at card shows, which I now regret. Always baseball players, where football players' autographs were always free. Mike Mussina for $10 at a Virginia card show, Joe Morgan for $12 at a Maryland card show, and $5 I deeply regret for Arthur Rhodes at a Pikesville card show. A free, sponsored Jeff Bostic signing at a Giant, Mark Rypien at a Nordstroms, Darrell Green at a Macy's, and of course everyone besides Art Monk at training camp. But $75 for a guy who doesn't go in the top 20? Get real.
And then a bridge collapsed during rush hour.
At the moment, the Star Tribune is reporting 4 dead, 20 missing, and 6 in the hospital with life threatening injuries due to the collapse. This makes me more scared to cross bridges than 9/11 had me scared of flying/landmarks, although not as scared as the sniper made me to get gas. I like my collapsed bridges to be caused by Magneto, Akira, or possibly someone chasing Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tom Cruise, not "structural deficiency."
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
It doesn't show anything, but it's the first we've heard of Heath Ledger as the Joker. It was first shown this past weekend at Comic-Con and a bootleg copy made the rounds, but this is the official version.
This video has the teaser's audio, but with images from the Batman bible, The Dark Knight Returns.
In related news, I found a great list of the top 10 embarrassing TV/Radio interview moments in sports. A little hard on Lasorda and Roy Williams, but the holy trinity of Jim Everett, Jim Calhoun, and Jim Mora are accounted for.
PE.com: You are part-owner of a dog-training company called Premier K9. Talk about how you got started with that.
DL: "It was just a business opportunity. I had a dog that was just obnoxious. I couldn't stand the dog and my girlfriend at the time wouldn't let me get rid of it. Art Washington trained the dog to perfection in two weeks. He was simply incredible. He could do anything with dogs. I've seen him give demonstrations. We've built up a relationship over the course of a year. The opportunity came up where another kennel had closed and it was a smart business move. It was an easy investment..."
PE.com: Michael Vick of the Atlanta Falcons is another customer. Did you think of not training his dog so it would attack him?
DL: "No, no. It's all business. Mike is a big dog person. Actually, he wants to open up a kennel of his own and that is in the works."
Even more shocking is that Vick is still pictured as a satisfied customer. But maybe he's now the ultimate endorser of dog training, because however despicable the charges against Vick, according to the indictment his dogs did win way more often than they lost. For all we know he's like the Michael Jordan of dog fighting, or that girl from Dancing with the Stars who coached Drew Lachey and Emmitt Smith.