Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Anybody but Isiah

Former Pacers GM Donnie Walsh is set to oversee the basketball operations for the Knicks, and while Corky from Life Goes On would be an upgrade over Isiah Thomas, but Walsh is so overrated as a talent evaluator it's ridiculous. He destroyed the Pacers and built the Warriors in an incredibly one sided eight player mega deal about a year ago, hired Isiah Thomas as coach, traded Antonio Davis for a top 5 pick, and used that pick on Jonathan Bender instead of Shawn Marion, Rip Hamilton, or Wally Szczerbiak. His one great trade was Dale Davis for Jermaine O'Neal, but that was an obvious move at the time.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Why do you suck again?

Peter Rosenberg released his long awaited follow up to "This is why you suck" and it's pretty strong. I'm posting it because YOU demand it! Without any further ado, here's "Duke Fan Stan."

Monday, March 17, 2008

This just got real

I saw this hilarious Michael Bay montage, which was posted on DVDTalk in response to the fact that Bay's production company is remaking Rosemary's Baby. Early word is that it will parallel the first ten minutes of the original followed by 90 minutes of baby blowing shit up. I see dollar signs.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Last night, I dined in hell

Last night I saw a 3-2 thriller where Russian machine Alexander Ovechkin scored the game tying and winning goals late to push his total to 56, tied for the highest total since the 2000-01 season and within four of sixty. Olaf Kolzig notched his 300th win with the Capitals, the fifth goalie to win his first 300 games with one team, joining Jacques Plante, Marty Brodeur, Mike Richter, and Turk Broda, who I've never heard of. Kolzig is the 23rd goalie to reach the milestone and one win behind Richter for 22nd place. And a Flyers loss pulled the Caps within five points of the eight spot.

But more important than all of this is the fact that I made it into the highlight, looking pretty damn thrilled with Ovechkin's game winner. I'm probably cut out of the standard definition broadcast, further evidence of the awesomeness of HD.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Hot enough to be a high class prostitute

Eliot Spitzer resigned today, after spending about 20-40 times more on a hooker than how much I thought a hooker was supposed to cost, at least according to what I've heard. Anyway, all the obvious jokes have already been made, but I heard I song today on XM Radio by Flight of the Conchords that reminded me of this sordid affair.

I wonder if Client 9 told this girl she was hot enough to be a part time model.

Maybe they can bring in Bob Costas to pitch

Billy Crystal is going to sign a one day contract to play for the New York Yankees in an exhibition game on Thursday against the Pittsburgh Pirates. Crystal has been in three great movies (When Harry Met Sally, The Princess Bride, Monsters, Inc.) and a bunch or drek will turn 60 on Friday. He will be the latest in a line of celebrities to play with professional teams, including Garth Brooks (who played at Oklahoma State and went to spring training with the Padres, Mets, and Royals), Master P (the Hornets and Raptors in 1999), and Tom Selleck (the Tigers in 1992).

This would never happen in the NFL. Can you imagine if an NFL team signed, say, Bon Jovi to play a preseason game? He would be in traction within an hour. Stuart Scott went to Jets training camp in 2002 and suffered a detached cornea after being hit in the eye from a football shot out of a JUGS machine. He was 37 and presumably in decent shape, and he suffered a serious injury in a drill. Even an action star would get pummeled in an NFL preseason game.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Ray of Light

This is one of my all time favorite sports videos, a Saturday Night Live classic skit from when it didn't suck.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Where Isiah happens

I'm not a huge Bill Simmons fan, but he had a fairly humorous script for a potential "Where Isiah happens" commercial. Cue Philip Glass.

(Picture of the '05 Suns celebrating after a playoff win.)
Where Phoenix dumps the Stephon Marbury and Penny Hardaway contracts on someone and remakes its team into a contender happens.

(Picture of the '07 Bulls celebrating after a playoff win.)
Where Chicago dumps Eddy Curry for two lottery picks and copious amounts of cap space happens.

(Picture of the '07 Raptors celebrating after a playoff win.)
Where Toronto finds some dummy to take Jalen Rose's contract and aid its rebuilding process happens.

(Picture of San Antonio's 2005 trophy celebration.)
Where San Antonio dumps Malik Rose's contract for a center who helps them win the title happens.

Picture of the '08 Blazers celebrating after a last-second win.)
Where the 2008 Blazers become the most likable young team in the league because they found a taker for Zach Randolph happens.

(Picture of a white SUV.)
Where a Truck Party happens.

(Picture of Anucha Browne Sanders celebrating on the courthouse steps.)
Where a humiliating $11 million sexual harassment settlement happens.

(Picture of Curry and Randolph looking overweight.)
Where an NBA frontcourt that includes two C-cups happens.

(Picture of a mostly empty Madison Square Garden.)
Where a 60-year tradition of professional basketball goes down the tubes happens.

(Picture of Isiah sitting on the bench with that frozen, blank look on his face like he's either flatlining or planning to kill everyone on the locker room after the game.)
Where Isiah Happens.

The next challenger to Madden

I caught this on Withleather and thought it was pretty strong. It's possible that football video games will eventually come to this, if not inevitable.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Larry Bird #9? WTF?

ESPNs list of the 25 greatest college basketball players is finally out, except for number one, leaving us wondering if it's going to be Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Lew Alcindor.

1. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
2. Oscar Robertson
3. Bill Walton
4. Bill Russell
5. Pete Maravich
6. Jerry West
7. Bill Bradley
8. David Thompson
9. Larry Bird
10. Wilt Chamberlain
11. Jerry Lucas
12. Christian Laettner
13. Michael Jordan
14. Elvin Hayes
15. Magic Johnson
16. Patrick Ewing
17. Tom Gola
18. Ralph Sampson
19. Elgin Baylor
20. Bob Kurland
21. Tim Duncan
22. Austin Carr
23. Calvin Murphy
24. David Robinson
25. George Mikan

These lists are difficult to evaluate, with such concentrated bodies of work, but it's a joke Larry Bird isn't higher. He took Indiana State to the finals and lost to one of the greatest teams ever. Indiana freaking State. They're a 16 seed without Larry Legend. Clearly a top three guy at the least.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

OK this looks funny

I just got done reading a description of Ben Stiller's next movie, Tropic Thunder. Apparently, he plays an action star who gets dropped off in Vietnam jungle with Jack Black and Robert Downey, Jr. thinking that they're filming a movie. Jack Black is playing an Eddie Murphy type actor, as in one who typically plays multiple roles in a single movie, and Robert Downey, Jr. is playing a black guy, perhaps one from the Keith David mold. The trailer is set to drop March 17, according to EW. My favorite line from the article:

Stiller plays an action hero who has just adopted a baby from Asia but worries that ''all the good ones are gone.''

Also, has pics up of the Watchmen heroes in costume, and it looks pretty convincing. This movie is such a big deal I can't even describe it. It bears repeating: it's the only comic on Time's top 100 novels list. It's there next to staples of literature. Of Mice and Men isn't on the list and Watchmen is.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

No silverware or shoelaces on the Madden Cruiser today

Let me tell you a thing or two about being The Man. Not The Man as in He who keeps us down, but The Man in the National Football League. The Man in generally a quarterback, but not always. The Man wins championships. And, most importantly, there can be only one The Man - there doesn't have to be a The Man, but there cannot be two. So since there is a debate about whether Peyton Manning or Tom Brady is The Man, neither is.

The last time the NFL had a The Man was January 3, 1999. Brett Favre had won the NFL MVP from 1995-97, with the Packers going 37-11 over those three seasons, in each of which Favre led the league in passing touchdowns, winning a Super Bowl in 1996, but losing by a touchdown in 1997 to the Broncos. The Broncos' Terrell Davis won MVP in 1998, rushing for 2008 yards. Favre led the 11-5 Packers into San Francisco, where they lost an emotional game on a Terrell Owens catch with seconds remaining. The Broncos went on to win their second consecutive Super Bowl, putting Davis in the discussion for being The Man, and Packers coach Mike Holmgren left Green Bay for total control in Seattle. Since then, Favre hadn't reached the same level of dominance until this year, and there hasn't been a consensus as to the best player in the NFL.

Favre established himself as The Man after leading the Packers to their first Super Bowl win in nearly 30 years after the 1996 season, a season he began in rehab. The two years prior and the three ensuing years, his last five seasons with Holmgren as head coach, were one of the greatest runs in NFL history. Take a look at an average season for these five Hall of Fame quarterbacks from 1994-98:

TDs Ints Yards Comp % Super Bowl Record
Brett Favre 35.2 15.8 4054.6 61.54%
Steve Young 24.8 9.0 3355.6 66.76%
John Elway 23.4 11.8 3445.8 59.32%
Dan Marino 22.0 13.4 3638.6 60.43%
Troy Aikman 14.4 9.8 2943.8 61.60%

All five of these guys were still near their prime and played five relatively healthy seasons from 1994-98, and Favre's numbers leap off the page.

Not included in that run is Favre's performance in the playoffs after the 1993 season, where Favre notched his first playoff win in Detroit on perhaps the greatest throw in NFL history.

The legend goes that Sterling Sharpe was hurt, and since he wasn't running full speed he was able to drag his feet in the back of the end zone. Lions defensive backs stopped covering Sharpe since there's no way anyone can throw the ball over 50 yards upfield across his body. Just an impossible throw.

I still view the Packers as the favorite in the NFC next season, if for no other reason than that they face a far easier path than the teams in the NFC East. Favre's successor Aaron Rodgers shredded the Cowboys secondary last year to the tune of 18-26, 201 yards, and 1 TD, and the offense will likely get more carries for Ryan Grant, the NFL's second leading rusher over the last 10 games of last season. Packers fans are reportedly apoplectic about Favre's retirement, but it shouldn't have a huge effect on how competitive the Packers are next season.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Coming September 2008

Flip you for real

I saw this today on FanHouse and it blew my mind. The forums at Fark has a number of great shots of athletes taking out streakers, but how many used a cricket bat?

Monday, March 3, 2008

My one liner of the day

A friend of mine called me this weekend, eager to talk about his fantasy baseball team.

"There's nothing better than Opening Day," he said.

"Sure there is," I answered. "The first Sunday of the football season, the draft, Wild Card weekend, March Madness-"

"The start of March Madness I'll give you, but the draft?" he responded.

"I will take week 11 of the NFL season over Opening Day for baseball easily," I answered.